The Tide is Changing.

A story is told of a woman by the name of Hannah. She was beautiful, and when time was right she married a man who absolutely adored her.  Everything a woman dreamed of, Hannah had- all apart from this one thing: she could not have a child. Year in, year out she and her husband tried but their efforts were futile. At first it was OK because they were newlywed, but after months, that soon turned into years Hannah began to despair. Her husband’s love for her never wavered and he continued to reassure her, letting her know that she was all he would ever need, but you see, inasmuch as he loved her, he could not even begin to understand her emptiness, and her pain. 

Now Hannah had a co-wife, her name was Peninnah. She may not have been very easy on the eye, but boy was she able to bear children!  She was able to do the one thing that Hannah had been unable to, and with a lot of ease at that.  Day after day Hannah watched as Peninnah’s children grew and jealously noticed the sparkle they brought to her husband’s eyes. It hurt Hannah so much whenever she saw  the smirk on Peninnah’s face; she needed not say much…her demeanor spoke everything that her words failed to.  Hannah envied Peninnah and her ability to conceive so effortlessly. Peninnah in turn saw Hannah’s struggle and taunted her mercilessly for it because you see, bareness was a source of great humiliation and shame for a woman in those days. Her mockery pierced right to the core of who Hannah was, and only God saw the silent tears she shed.

The pain that Hannah carried in her heart became the impetus that pushed her to her knees. Hannah prayed. She went to the temple whenever she could to offer her sacrifice to God, asking for nothing else, but for him to bless her with just but one child. One day, the Priest found her praying. She had cried herself sore…her voice was gone, and only her lips were seen to be moving. Surely, she must be drunk! He thought to himself and asked her as much. But in despair Hannah told him her story, or at least the little she had the courage to share. Well, as the story goes, in the fullness of time God remembered Hannah. She conceived and gave birth to one of the greatest prophets of all time. God remembered Hannah! He covered her nakedness and her shame. He wiped her tears.

I have been waiting on God for something for a while now- not a baby like Hannah, but I have needed it almost as much.  And just so you know, I am writing this in faith and with great expectation in my heart, knowing that God will make my wait worth every minute...every tear…every prayer that I have whispered. If you have ever had to wait on God for something then you will agree that it is not easy. Sometimes you wait, and wait, and wait…and then when you finally hear from God He tells you to...wait some more.  In these times I have found my patience wearing thin, but somehow God by His grace breathes new life into me, and helps me wait it out.

For some of you reading this, your ‘baby’ could be your desire to get married, or maybe your desperate hunt for a job...it could even be a real baby like Hannah, and people keep reminding you; they make it so apparent that you are still not where you ought to be. I remember attending tonnes of wedding as a single lady. I sang at most of them, and was a bridesmaid in one, too many! I enjoyed being a part of these ceremonies but I absolutely detested how people- and especially the married ones, kept asking when I would get married! They just would not let up. Some did it out of genuine concern (lol!), but most others had the Peninnah Syndrome- that need to taunt others and remind them how ‘late’ they are, and how time is not on their side. But you see beloved, your Peninnah never gets to know when the tide is changing; she does not realize when God starts to shift things around for you, and oh when He does…!

As you continue to wait on God, this is one thing I know beyond any shadow of doubt: He is faithful and true to His word. He watches over it to perform it. Sometimes He allows us to wait on Him because it builds our muscle and puts us in a place of total dependence on Him.  For every dream there has to be a process, and this process will always serve as a reminder of the priceless value in a God-given dream.

God I thank you that you have allowed my faith to be tested in ways I never imagined. I thank you for the years I have been in waiting, trusting you to bring my dreams to pass because had I not waited I may never  have understood the matchless value in your blessings. At this time I pray for anyone reading this, that is in desperate need for a miracle. I am joining my faith with theirs knowing fully well that you are getting ready to blow their mind, and all those who have mocked them will be silenced for good. I thank you God because you do over and abundantly above all that we could ask or think. 

The psalmist David could not have said it better, “Wait on the Lord, be of good cheer and He will strengthen your heart”. And then my favorite part is when he goes on to add, “…wait, again I say wait…on the Lord”.

Peninnah had her time, but now...the tide is changing.

Kambua M.

He Carries Your Name!

“When nothing seems to help, I go look at a stone-cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.” – Jacob A. Riis

When I first read this quote, it was almost as if for a few seconds everything came to a standstill. I had to take a moment to compose myself because I was at a coffee house and a break down would definitely have drawn a lot of curious stares that I was not prepared for. You see, I have been at this place where I feel like something has got to give. Day in day out I pour my heart out into what I do, and it still feels like I’m miles away from where I want to be.  You would think that having walked with God this long my faith would be stronger, but at the end of the day I am human and sometimes my spirit is weaker that it should be. 

I struggled to write this blog entry because I wasn’t certain I had much to offer…I wondered how God wants me to encourage someone, to love on them and remind them of His faithfulness while I have found myself walking a path of fear, doubt and discouragement. How can I possibly give what I don’t have? How can I tell you to hold on when I’ve considered giving up?

A few weeks ago our team had traveled to a school in Eldoret, and one of the students there gave me a little note that I slipped into my Bible. It seemed really cute at the time and I didn’t give it much thought, but today the words written on that piece of paper were like a lifeline- they jumped right out at me. I realized that God had known exactly what I would need today, and had already made provision for it long before I thought I needed it. And He used a person I had ministered to, to minister  to me in turn. Well, the note simply said, “Kambua, No way can God ever forget you; He carries your name engraved on the palms of His hands. Depend on it”! 

My vision is clearer now…the eyes of my faith had gotten a little misty for a moment there. I see the keeper of my dreams for who He is. He will never allow my foot to stumble. He won’t sit back and watch me crush and burn. He cannot bring me this far to abandon me. God is not just a starter, He is a finisher.  He is a Father whose joy is found in seeing me excel, because it brings Him glory. At this season in my life it may seem as though I’m working at things and seeing no results, but I compare myself to that stone-cutter who hammers at his rock over and over again. At first there seems to be no change, but soon cracks begin to appear and inevitably the rock splits in two. The breakthrough. It may have come at the hundred and first blow as Jacob Riis said, but it’s the first, the second…the fiftieth, the ninety third…all the blows that preceded it, that caused that rock to give in. 

So now I’m making a conscious decision to let go of the feeling of hopelessness, the fatigue, the self-imposed limitations, the fear...the glass ceiling I have so skilfully placed over my head.  I am letting go of every set back that has tried to get me off the path that God is skilfully working out for me. I will continue to crack my ‘rock’ until it gives in. I know that someday the tassel will be well worth the hassle. And my earnest hope is that you too, will keep at it; whatever God has placed in your hands to do, do with all your heart and might. You see, beloved, dwelling in the heart of God always ensures that whatever challenges you face, whatever pain you bear, will someday have divine purpose.

I now see that my dream is still pointing me forward, because anything that is born of God is progressive.  Just as the Star of David pointed the wise men towards the King, so is my dream- pointing steadily towards all that The King has prepared for me. 

The young girl who gave me the note might never know how real, true, and life-giving her words were  but I am so thankful for this reminder: God has my name engraved on the palm of His hands…which means that I am safe and secure there- in the hands that deliver me…The hands in whose touch I find healing. The hands that comfort me…the hands upon which my name is written. These hands not only carry my name; they carry yours too.

Kambua M.

Burning Bright

At the beginning of this year I decided to take a retreat. I looked around and settled for a quiet, serene getaway and had the most amazing time. The weather was great, but at night it got really cold, and thankfully there was a fire place in my room. The people working there were very gracious and helped light a fire in the evening when it started to get chilly. I loved coming back to my warm, brightly lit room, and enjoyed the crackling sound of the flickering fire.  It was pure bliss, up until when I had to put in more firewood and rearrange the logs in order it to keep the fire going. Sometimes the flames would become so small and I would blow into them, while frantically throwing in whatever I could find to keep the fire going. In other words, I struggled! Eventually, I would give up, and watch the fire die out, leaving me plunged in total darkness except for the embers which remained hot for as long as they could. The glow that once filled my room, gone- just as though it had never existed.  

Have you ever heard about the ‘Torch Race’ in Ancient Greek Olympics? Well up until recently, I hadn’t, so let me take a moment to enlighten those of you who are as clueless as I was. The rules of the game were that a torch would be passed on in a relay race. The aim of the game was to get to the finish line as fast as possible, with the torch still ablaze. I was fascinated when I read about this because the concept was different from what most relays are like. It did not matter if you got to the finish line first, what mattered was that you got there with your fire still on.

It occurred to me that our lives can somewhat be compared to the torch race; running, and each one  of us hoping to get to the finish line. I realized sadly though that many of us will get there with our torches off, because somewhere along the way we let our fires die out. I understand now that it is not about how quickly my career grows, or how many records I break. It’s all about the fire of God, the passion burning within me as I cross that finish line.

Worse still, would be losing my fire whilst still serving the Lord. Lately I’ve found myself exceptionally busy, and I am grateful to God for all the opportunities He has accorded me to serve Him and grow in my career. But as I look back and reflect upon my life I see the danger of being caught up in activities and failing to realize the struggling fire of a torch that was once ablaze with zeal for the Lord. Without the passion for God in our lives we are bound to lead a dull and draining existence.

I have decided that I want to be fully aware of things that could be detrimental to my passion, and realized that they are the proverbial ‘little foxes’. Those things that creep up on you overtime, and before you realize, they have caused irreparable damage. I have been praying that God will keep my heart in check so that I do not become prideful or boastful, forgetting that I have come this far only because of His grace. I have also asked Him to give me a servant’s heart, to handle people and situations without feeling burdened by them. I have asked the Lord to keep my eyes open to injustice, and cause me to speak up instead of biting my tongue. I have also prayed that He will heal me from wounds inflicted by people, some intentionally and others out of pure ignorance. I pray that my heart will remain tender towards those that I love and that my fire will continue to fan theirs as mine is fanned in return. But most importantly I have prayed and asked that above all the noise and clutter, it is the voice of truth that I will always hear- The voice of the Lord. The voice that calls me to holiness…the voice that speaks life in my darkest moments…that which keeps reminding me I am redeemed…the voice that urges me on; pushing me to be more than I ever imagined I could be.

I want to finish strong; to know that when I am done here, and my story is read, it will still bear the fire that stirs the hearts of people, pointing them towards the source. I pray that even as you continue on with your journey that you will take time to look back, and make sure that your roots still run deep and that your heart is still in the right place. I desire for you and me to get to the finish line at whatever pace God’s grace accords each of us…but only with our torches still burning bright!

Kambua M.