My #1 goal

A new year is often accompanied by new plans- to lose weight, to acquire a new skill, to start dating...resolutions, resolutions, and more resolutions. In the past I have written down my plans for a new year and then shelved the journal, totally forgetting what I had resolved to do. So this year I decided to make achievable goals, and stick to them, even when it gets hard…especially when it does. 

My number one goal for the year is to walk with a deepening dependency on God. The more I live, the more I understand that there is a big difference between knowing about God, and truly knowing God…daily walking with him…allowing my heart to break for whatever breaks his, and letting it beat for whatever pleases him.

My walk of faith has been many things, whose total sum is far from perfection, but God. He continues to turn it all around for me…working everything out in my favor. He is the only one with the ability to see my past my actions, and many foolish mistakes, intricately intertwining his grace with my faults, blotting them out, and calling me His own…calling me, Redeemed.

I want my life to be a living sacrifice to God. I once heard someone say that the problem that comes with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar at any time. Ain't that the truth? How we give ourselves to God, and then when things get uncomfortable, when we are tested and tried, how quickly we squirm and back out? Forgetting or ignoring the process of surrender? I see myself so many times, crawling out…no, running out! Raising my hands in church but stubbornly saying a resounding 'No' in my heart to things that God expects of me. But this year, something has got to give. 

I am reminded of the story of Samson in the Bible. He was a powerful, influential judge, chosen by God to do great things. But Samson slowly began to bend the rules that he was instructed to live by; he danced and flirted with the world…he skipped a requirement here and there and it seemed OK at first. But it wasn't too long before he finally fell into the snare that Delilah had laid out for him. This of many stories in the Bible breaks my heart because Samson thought that he could get out of this situation like he had done countless times before. The scriptures say that Samson 'did not know that the LORD had departed from him'. In a moment of weakness he had given away the secret to his strength- sin had blinded him; so much so, that he never even realized that he was no longer walking with God. 

And so I implore you beloved to walk with a new sensitivity to the Spirit of God. There is a blessing that awaits those that walk in obedience to his will. You can trust that he will perfect what concerns you. You can trust that he can never pull the rug off from under you feet- no! In actually fact, he will cause you feet to be firmly planted. You will be able to stand through hell and high water, when all else around you begins to fall. 

Well, as the story goes, Samson did lose his strength and was taken captive, but that was not the end you see, because his hair began to grow again. His source of strength began to return. God is faithful…it does not matter how many wrong turns you've made- he is better than any GPS ever invented. He will recalculate and re-route a broken and contrite heart to get it on course. It's not too late for you to get back on track. I have been at a place in my past where I felt that I had wasted so much time on superficial things and affiliations. Such a waste of precious time that I can never recover. I wished like never before that I could click on the 'undo' button or 'rewind' and do it all over again in a different way by making better choices. But when I cried out to God, he began to calm the storm and charter me back into his plan. I can now say that I am redeemed, and herein lies the evidence of what I was…what I am not, anymore.

You see beloved, no one can predict the depths of God's will. Even the wisest of the wise, try though they may, cannot unravel the tapestry of His infinite plan. He orchestrates everything for your good. If you allow him, he will work in the warp and woof; in the interwoven fabric of your life.

I have taken sometime to be still as I start this new year, to pay attention to the direction God is pointing me towards. I encourage you to do the same. He loves you with an everlasting love. A stubborn love. A jealous love. Love on him this year. Let your words, and your actions be a love offering given to him. As for me, my resolution is to say a resounding 'YES' to his will, and his way.

I pray that you have a most victorious year. I pray that you find the strength to stay on the altar as a living sacrifice. I pray beloved that when you find confusion clouding your mind, you will pause and look up to Him- the author and finisher of your faith. May He give you the courage to face this year, and a renewed zeal to pursue all your goals. You CAN do ALL things through Him who gives you strength.

From my heart to yours, you are so blessed!

Kambua M.

Tick, Tock...The Year that was

I love writing; I write songs, I keep a journal, I used to write poetry…I blog. The process of putting words down has always been very therapeutic for me, and also the way in which I express myself best. Towards the end of last year God impressed upon my heart to start sharing my thoughts on a public ‘journal’. I was very nervous at first because I love my privacy, and to be quite honest, no one wants to share their struggles, weaknesses, and victories alike on a spotlight- at least I don’t. But God is just as concerned about having me fulfill my purpose as he is with the process. That is why he has often caused me to do unconventional sometimes very uncomfortable things. 

So after wrestling with the thought for a while, albeit reluctantly, I began to write and share my life with anyone and everyone who had a few minutes to spare. At first I was very nervous, wondering what to say and especially anxious about possibly finding things to share every month. It was then that I decided to just tell my story as it is, nothing removed, and nothing added, raw and unedited, to the extent that would be beneficial to anyone who came across it. The more I wrote, the more I realized that my story was not unique to me…people relate to it. The more I wrote, the more I found healing for my own wounds. I now realize that the reason I was instructed to make myself vulnerable was so that God could use me as a vessel of mercy; to speak life to others.  God continues to teach me that it is not my image of perfection that brings him glory- it is the evidence of scars, the brokenness, the cracks and crevices that testify of his matchless power of redemption and restoration. As a result, one blog post led to another and another and soon there was a demand for more…every month…and it has forced me to grow. I am learning not to be afraid of taking risks because growth is inevitable when there is a demand placed on your gift. 

This month one of the greatest leaders Africa ever had was laid to rest. We bid farewell to Nelson Madiba Mandela. I never got to meet him, but I have found myself greatly influenced by the way he lived his life. This is by far my favourite quote from Tata Mandela:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”.

I realize that I have lived nearly three decades of my life in fear…afraid of the unknown and sometimes the inevitable. Afraid of what people will say of my choice in clothes, in men, in music, in living the life I have chosen…afraid of losing friends and afraid of making new ones. Afraid of making the same mistakes I have made in the past. I see so clearly now how I have allowed fear to box me in, and place a beautiful glass ceiling over my head, giving me enough insight into endless possibilities but paralyzing me by making me believe that it was safer to just sit back and watch until I become ‘ready’ to pursue those dreams. I am saddened by the countless opportunities I have passed out on, because I was afraid I would not be good enough. I allowed fear to build a home in my heart and gave myself as a slave shackled without even putting up a fight. Now I see how I have allowed pain, and sometimes betrayal to etch its way into my very visage, whether deliberately or inadvertently. 

But this blog entry is not about fear, but really the absence of it, because this year I began to make small steps in overcoming the things that have held me back. Writing was a start, and there have been many other little, almost unnoticeable strides that God has given me the grace to make. Fear will NEVER be my friend; it will always be an enemy to my destiny; and to yours too. As I continue to make conscious efforts in overcoming fear, I have seen God work in the most amazing ways. He has opened doors for me, and fought my battles fiercely on my behalf. It sure feels good!

We will soon be embarking on the threshold of a new year- 2014. I hope that this will be your best one yet. I pray that as I make conscious decisions to make my life count by Gods’ grace, that you too will step out in faith, and take chances on yourself, in becoming what He intended for you to be. Nelson Mandela was a courageous man, not because he was never afraid, but because he chose to triumph over his fears. In this new year I will write more- whatever God impresses upon my heart to write. I will sing more…I will dance more. Lol (don’t judge me)…I will be more intentional in investing my time on the people I love...I will laugh hard, and cry just as hard when I ought to. I will not hold my breath, nor bite my tongue- I will speak up and be heard. I will not fear. Not anymore. I will not cower nor back down because for every new challenge, God gives grace. I am laying down ‘my way’ of doing things and surrendering it all to God, trusting him to order my steps.

Merry Christmas beloved!

Kambua M.

New life, new hope, new dreams...

To God be the glory for all of the wonderful things He has done, and continues to do. Today I celebrate yet another year in my life, and I am excited- not because everything has fine and dandy, but only because I have come to the realization that truly the power of life and death is in my tongue. God has given me dreams that I can either speak life or death to. Unfortunately, many of us sabotage our destinies with our own tongues. God forbid that it should be your story. Regardless of the odds, speak life into whatever vision God has accorded you. 

Take my hand, and let’s walk down memory lane…there was once a young man by the name of Ezekiel, trained to be a priest in the kingdom of Judah. As fate would have it, his hopes and dreams were shattered by the reign of King Nebuchadnezzar. Alongside other Jews, Ezekiel was taken captive to Babylon. I have often wondered whether this changed the course of his life. Did Ezekiel still qualify to be a priest, or was all his training wasted? Would God choose another person to take his place? Where was God in the midst of Ezekiel's disappointment? Thinking back I feel sorry for Ezekiel, a slave boy with big dreams that seemed as though they would never amount to anything. 

But the story does not end there. You need to understand that God was building in him the capacity to endure. This was a process of preparation, and no experience was wasted. I recently learned a very important lesson on pain; that it is actually a gift from God. Now I know that many of us will roll our eyes at this, and say that pain is a gift we would rather do without, but let me break it down a little. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong, and without it, we cannot be fixed. Do you realize how dangerous it would be if we never had the ability to feel pain? We would injure ourselves and not even know it. But pain sounds an alarm for help; help that God is always ready to give. Pain is not only unavoidable, it is essential. There is purpose in your pain.

Ezekiel endured his season of pain, loneliness, and desolation until something most peculiar began to happen. God started to give him visions, one of which I want to remind you of. The spirit of God took him to a valley of dry bones, and upon God’s command Ezekiel began to prophesy to them. He spoke life, and breath into them. The bones responded and began to resurrect, filled with life. They were so many, enough to form a great army! God did it! He used Ezekiel, to speak life where there was only dryness; where there was only desolation…death. 

Just like Ezekiel, we all go through seasons of pain and wonder whether our God-given dreams will ever be realized. But in spite of all that is working against you, you must keep on pushing; you must believe in your dreams. Believe what God says about you. Believe that he has a plan for your life. Believe that he will bring it all to pass. Don’t hem and haw, waiting for another ‘sign’…just believe what He says.

I am so thankful to God that I have lived to see the start of another year in my life. I look back on things that once caused me pain  and realize that God used them to strengthen me. I see how he skilfully takes away the sting from every painful event and leaves only indelible marks of what his saving grace can do. No matter what comes my way, I will hold my head up high and remain hopeful. I will purposefully speak life to everything I set out to do. 

Beloved, I hope that you too will start to give your pain a voice by speaking victory into your situations. May your season of pain and loneliness be the most pivotal, propelling you to your destiny. Remember that storms never last forever; they always blow over. In those times you find yourself in the wilderness, doubting the call of God on your life, remind yourself that God is not a man that He should lie. There is joy after pain. Sometimes God will allow you to go through desolate times where you get tempted, tested, and tried, so that you can depend on him fully. God loves you so much that He will allow you to be stretched, but never beyond your limits. 

Thank you God for a new year. Thank you for new dreams, and new territories. For new life, and new hope, I thank you God. 

Kambua M.