Just Pull the Plug!

It is the innate nature of things to grow when they are fed, or else they die of starvation. Some things feed on dirt and scum…while other things find nourishment in pleasant things...others yet feed on the life of others, but whichever the case, animals, plants, dreams, ideas-  they all must be fed in order to grow.

Lately, I have been in a somewhat reflective, pensive space, and after some soul-searching and spending time talking to God I realized that I was simply feeling worn out by things I have willfully allowed to be a part of my life. They are like weeds that have grown over time and not until recently did I notice that they were choking the life out of my dreams, and suffocating my vision. Some of these proverbial weeds are in the form of friendships that have run their course, others are in the form of habits I have picked up along the way in an effort to fit in with people; to have a sense of belonging.

So I asked God to give me the courage to start a long-overdue damage control process, and the most amazing thing about allowing God to do the fixing is that when He’s done with you all that’s left are traces of His presence and an unmistakable mark of His glory on your life.

However, this ‘damage control’, I must admit, has not been easy. Sometimes I have tried to resist, then relented when I realized I was just postponing the inevitable, while other times- ouch!  It is just too painful, and I have to stop to catch my breath.  During this season I have asked for wisdom to know when to keep fighting for things, and when to walk away from them. It takes strength to do both.

I have also asked for the will power to resist all manner of temptation. God’s word says that he provides a way of escape whenever we are tempted. Meaning that we have no excuse to fall in to temptation by way of lying, bribing, fornicating, slandering, or allowing anything into our lives that breaks the heart of God. I came to the realization that I cannot truly say I love God when I keep pursuing the things that break His heart. He has paved a way of escape for each and every  one of us  without exception. 

Look around you; there is a way of escape. Take it, and don’t look back.

Dear God as you continue to help  me clean up my house, I pray that you do the same for anyone reading this who feels worn out and exhausted  by things they too have allowed to take root and bear fruit in their lives. For anyone who feels  that they may not survive the loneliness  that comes with walking the straight and narrow road…God I pray that you will give them a new and profound revelation of who you are, and how you give new strength for each passing day.

Thank you God for being the lifter of my head. Thank you for being my shield  and defense. Thank you for covering my shame. And for loving me through some of the most devastating seasons of my life, God I say, thank you. I am making a choice, right now, this day, at this moment, to honor the dreams you have given me and value the life you have blessed me with. To define my mission, and to keep running my own race.

As I share my journey with you beloved, I pray that you will see grace in my ruins, and that you will look past the mess, and into the beauty that God has traded my life for. As scary as it may be to let go of things that have defined you, if you trust the process to God, you will come out victorious.

Everything He has done for me, He can do for you, and more. Whatever has plagued you, mistakes you’ve made, terrible choices…everything that has tried to stifle your progress...the power is in your hands. Anything you feed, will grow, but if you cut off its supply, it will die.

So take a deep breath and do what I have chosen to do…just pull the plug!

Kambua M.

The Tide is Changing.

A story is told of a woman by the name of Hannah. She was beautiful, and when time was right she married a man who absolutely adored her.  Everything a woman dreamed of, Hannah had- all apart from this one thing: she could not have a child. Year in, year out she and her husband tried but their efforts were futile. At first it was OK because they were newlywed, but after months, that soon turned into years Hannah began to despair. Her husband’s love for her never wavered and he continued to reassure her, letting her know that she was all he would ever need, but you see, inasmuch as he loved her, he could not even begin to understand her emptiness, and her pain. 

Now Hannah had a co-wife, her name was Peninnah. She may not have been very easy on the eye, but boy was she able to bear children!  She was able to do the one thing that Hannah had been unable to, and with a lot of ease at that.  Day after day Hannah watched as Peninnah’s children grew and jealously noticed the sparkle they brought to her husband’s eyes. It hurt Hannah so much whenever she saw  the smirk on Peninnah’s face; she needed not say much…her demeanor spoke everything that her words failed to.  Hannah envied Peninnah and her ability to conceive so effortlessly. Peninnah in turn saw Hannah’s struggle and taunted her mercilessly for it because you see, bareness was a source of great humiliation and shame for a woman in those days. Her mockery pierced right to the core of who Hannah was, and only God saw the silent tears she shed.

The pain that Hannah carried in her heart became the impetus that pushed her to her knees. Hannah prayed. She went to the temple whenever she could to offer her sacrifice to God, asking for nothing else, but for him to bless her with just but one child. One day, the Priest found her praying. She had cried herself sore…her voice was gone, and only her lips were seen to be moving. Surely, she must be drunk! He thought to himself and asked her as much. But in despair Hannah told him her story, or at least the little she had the courage to share. Well, as the story goes, in the fullness of time God remembered Hannah. She conceived and gave birth to one of the greatest prophets of all time. God remembered Hannah! He covered her nakedness and her shame. He wiped her tears.

I have been waiting on God for something for a while now- not a baby like Hannah, but I have needed it almost as much.  And just so you know, I am writing this in faith and with great expectation in my heart, knowing that God will make my wait worth every minute...every tear…every prayer that I have whispered. If you have ever had to wait on God for something then you will agree that it is not easy. Sometimes you wait, and wait, and wait…and then when you finally hear from God He tells you to...wait some more.  In these times I have found my patience wearing thin, but somehow God by His grace breathes new life into me, and helps me wait it out.

For some of you reading this, your ‘baby’ could be your desire to get married, or maybe your desperate hunt for a job...it could even be a real baby like Hannah, and people keep reminding you; they make it so apparent that you are still not where you ought to be. I remember attending tonnes of wedding as a single lady. I sang at most of them, and was a bridesmaid in one, too many! I enjoyed being a part of these ceremonies but I absolutely detested how people- and especially the married ones, kept asking when I would get married! They just would not let up. Some did it out of genuine concern (lol!), but most others had the Peninnah Syndrome- that need to taunt others and remind them how ‘late’ they are, and how time is not on their side. But you see beloved, your Peninnah never gets to know when the tide is changing; she does not realize when God starts to shift things around for you, and oh when He does…!

As you continue to wait on God, this is one thing I know beyond any shadow of doubt: He is faithful and true to His word. He watches over it to perform it. Sometimes He allows us to wait on Him because it builds our muscle and puts us in a place of total dependence on Him.  For every dream there has to be a process, and this process will always serve as a reminder of the priceless value in a God-given dream.

God I thank you that you have allowed my faith to be tested in ways I never imagined. I thank you for the years I have been in waiting, trusting you to bring my dreams to pass because had I not waited I may never  have understood the matchless value in your blessings. At this time I pray for anyone reading this, that is in desperate need for a miracle. I am joining my faith with theirs knowing fully well that you are getting ready to blow their mind, and all those who have mocked them will be silenced for good. I thank you God because you do over and abundantly above all that we could ask or think. 

The psalmist David could not have said it better, “Wait on the Lord, be of good cheer and He will strengthen your heart”. And then my favorite part is when he goes on to add, “…wait, again I say wait…on the Lord”.

Peninnah had her time, but now...the tide is changing.

Kambua M.

He Carries Your Name!

“When nothing seems to help, I go look at a stone-cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.” – Jacob A. Riis

When I first read this quote, it was almost as if for a few seconds everything came to a standstill. I had to take a moment to compose myself because I was at a coffee house and a break down would definitely have drawn a lot of curious stares that I was not prepared for. You see, I have been at this place where I feel like something has got to give. Day in day out I pour my heart out into what I do, and it still feels like I’m miles away from where I want to be.  You would think that having walked with God this long my faith would be stronger, but at the end of the day I am human and sometimes my spirit is weaker that it should be. 

I struggled to write this blog entry because I wasn’t certain I had much to offer…I wondered how God wants me to encourage someone, to love on them and remind them of His faithfulness while I have found myself walking a path of fear, doubt and discouragement. How can I possibly give what I don’t have? How can I tell you to hold on when I’ve considered giving up?

A few weeks ago our team had traveled to a school in Eldoret, and one of the students there gave me a little note that I slipped into my Bible. It seemed really cute at the time and I didn’t give it much thought, but today the words written on that piece of paper were like a lifeline- they jumped right out at me. I realized that God had known exactly what I would need today, and had already made provision for it long before I thought I needed it. And He used a person I had ministered to, to minister  to me in turn. Well, the note simply said, “Kambua, No way can God ever forget you; He carries your name engraved on the palms of His hands. Depend on it”! 

My vision is clearer now…the eyes of my faith had gotten a little misty for a moment there. I see the keeper of my dreams for who He is. He will never allow my foot to stumble. He won’t sit back and watch me crush and burn. He cannot bring me this far to abandon me. God is not just a starter, He is a finisher.  He is a Father whose joy is found in seeing me excel, because it brings Him glory. At this season in my life it may seem as though I’m working at things and seeing no results, but I compare myself to that stone-cutter who hammers at his rock over and over again. At first there seems to be no change, but soon cracks begin to appear and inevitably the rock splits in two. The breakthrough. It may have come at the hundred and first blow as Jacob Riis said, but it’s the first, the second…the fiftieth, the ninety third…all the blows that preceded it, that caused that rock to give in. 

So now I’m making a conscious decision to let go of the feeling of hopelessness, the fatigue, the self-imposed limitations, the fear...the glass ceiling I have so skilfully placed over my head.  I am letting go of every set back that has tried to get me off the path that God is skilfully working out for me. I will continue to crack my ‘rock’ until it gives in. I know that someday the tassel will be well worth the hassle. And my earnest hope is that you too, will keep at it; whatever God has placed in your hands to do, do with all your heart and might. You see, beloved, dwelling in the heart of God always ensures that whatever challenges you face, whatever pain you bear, will someday have divine purpose.

I now see that my dream is still pointing me forward, because anything that is born of God is progressive.  Just as the Star of David pointed the wise men towards the King, so is my dream- pointing steadily towards all that The King has prepared for me. 

The young girl who gave me the note might never know how real, true, and life-giving her words were  but I am so thankful for this reminder: God has my name engraved on the palm of His hands…which means that I am safe and secure there- in the hands that deliver me…The hands in whose touch I find healing. The hands that comfort me…the hands upon which my name is written. These hands not only carry my name; they carry yours too.

Kambua M.