HOPE...FUL

Let me start by saying, Happy new year- not in a cliché kind of way, but truly wishing you a year full of joy and happiness. Some of you have written me asking what happened to the African girls’ reflections last month, and I must admit I was hoping no one would notice the inconsistency on that one. Haha. 

Well truth be told, I made a feeble attempt at writing and was somewhat not in the right head and heart space. You see, I made a promise to God and myself that I would always write from a genuine place, and never out of routine, or expectations set before me.  

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, followed closely by Easter.  I love everything about it; from the music, to the trees and lights...I loved the snow when I lived in Canada...the sales and great discounts...there is something very magical about it. But more importantly is what Christmas signifies for all believers. Though it is debatable what day Jesus was born, we get to celebrate his birth during this season...a little babe born in a manger, who later on became our redeemer and cornerstone of our faith.

But this year Christmas was different for me. I felt an overwhelming sadness. On Christmas morning I remember helping out with preparations for the day, and in the process had a serious meltdown.  It had been a culmination of many things I was feeling gearing up to that day. My father loved Christmas. He always had something special planned, and even after we had long moved out of his nest he made sure to remind us how important and significant that day was. I knew without fail that he would call me on Christmas day and with his loud booming voice, say, “Merry Christmas Kasuni”! I felt as though Christmas day 2014 was a reminder of what I lost last year.  And because it was too cheery a season, I thought not to dampen your moods, but instead hold out and get to talk to you in the new year, so here I am :)

Incidentally on the same day, a friend of mine shared with me a post written by G. Cordinton, and I am convinced that those words were meant for me. (OK and perhaps  you as well).  Allow me to share an excerpt from what he wrote. “...We experience pain because we miss the vibrancy of the person who is not there, and what we feel is another emotion that honors their life...Christmas is not a fake, superficial happiness. It knows deep sorrow. It understands grief and separation. It endures pain. It reminds us that our Savior not only came to save, but He also came to share our human experience and show us there IS hope”.

Oh what peace I found from reading those words! My Savior, the one that I was trying so hard to celebrate and put on a brave face for, understands my sorrow and in him I find rest for my soul, and hope for tomorrow.  There is no guarantee that Christmas will not always remind me of dad...I just hope that when it does, I will also be reminded that in Christ my eternal hope is found.

Photography by Paul (Emms studio)
MakeUp by Njanja

When the year 2014 began I was very excited. I remember sitting by the window watching snowfall, somewhere in Maryland. I was hopeful about the year ahead. I wrote down my resolutions and recommitted my heart to God.  But I did not have the slightest premonition of the tornado that was about to hit my family. I did not lose my faith in God, but I admittedly felt a great sense of loss and disappointment. 

When this year, 2015 began, I felt very indifferent about many things. I thought to myself that if I did not have any expectations then I would not be disappointed by anything that went wrong. But over the last few days God has been dealing with my heart (even though I did not ask Him to) LOL. He chastens whom He loves.  Beloved, I know now without a doubt that God uses our deepest pain, fear, and disappointments as a launching pad for our greatest calling.

I have spent a lot of time by myself lately, not because I am lonely, but because I know God needed me to be at a place of quiet in order to hear what he wants me to do. I still do not have a list of resolutions- I will work on those and maybe share some with you as the year unfolds. But I have great expectations. The Word of God says that hope does not disappoint. It does not put us to shame. Therefore I will not live in fear of failure or loss. I choose to put my trust in the God of all hope.

I know this has been a long one, and thank you for staying with me to the end.  As I finish, allow me to say this. That we find healing for our hearts when we give of ourselves to others. Some of you reading this may be able to relate to my pain in one way or the other, but hear me say this: do not allow yourself to get absorbed in your pain. Look around you...there is always someone in need of love...a hug...a smile...a hundred bob...food...a listening ear...a shoulder to lean on...love on others, and before you know it, you will begin to find healing in your broken places.

I pray that you have a most amazing year ahead. May you thrive and excel in whatever you set out to do! I will be here, writing you, cheering you on and praying for you. Beloved, you are blessed. Exceedingly and abundantly so!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

P/S: I’ll be changing things up a little on my blog this year. You need to look out for that ;-) #MwakaMpya na #MamboMapya!