Dear God,

It seems that every time I try to do things that are outside your will for me, I end up falling flat on my face- Hurt. Broken. Busted. Disgusted. Wasted. Tired. It would also seem, that I never learn...sometimes I do actually, but only after making the same mistakes over and over again. 

It’s so ironical how I can go through pain, and then once the breakthrough comes, I forget all the drama, like it was never there! I forget that had I made different choices, I would not have walked that regrettable path in the first place. And yet here I am...again...in need of you. Healer...Mender...Redeemer. 

Photography by Emmanuel Jambo 

God you said that I should come boldly before your throne of grace that I may obtain mercy. So here I am, asking you to smooth out my rough ages. Praying that you will breathe new life into me. In the same way that you called Lazarus up from the grave, I ask that you call out the areas in my life that are in need of your resurrection. I pray that you restore my joy, and my peace.

In the toughest of times I will praise you, knowing that you are not only interested in what you have called me to do, but also in who I am becoming. My journey matters to you because the bends on the winding road all work together to point back to you- the way, the truth, and the life.

And finally God, I realize that I am not the only one who may be downcast, discouraged and feeling defeated. So I pray that as you do your work in me may you also extend your grace to anyone reading this. Make them fruitful in their affliction. Let them sense that you are moving even when they do not feel you. Give them the courage and humility to cry out for help when they lose their way.

At this moment, even though it may seem that my hope is intricately intertwined with despair, I know that you, Yahweh, are with me...walking beside me...singing songs of deliverance over me. 

In the strangest and stillest of nights you are right here with me.

Amen.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.