What If...?

I recently had some beautiful box braids done, but time came to take them down. A friend of mine made a comment on how she does not allow any scissors near her hair when taking out braids, and I completely agree with her. I only trust myself to have the scissors when undoing my hair, because I take extra caution and ensure that I cut only the extensions while leaving my hair intact. I have to admit that once in a while I chop my own ends by mistake, but it's not such a big deal because it was my mistake, you know? I have had some not-so-good experiences in the past when I have allowed other people to undo my hair, and because they are sometimes in a rush, or a little absent-minded they end up chopping off my hair! Whoa!

This got me thinking about grace, and how we have so much of it for ourselves, but very little for other people. We sometimes pardon ourselves quickly but can hold grudges against people for years. Why? Why are the standards different when it comes to dealing with other people? You see, grace, whether directed towards ourselves or to others, is undeserved. Unmerited. Grace is powerful because it cannot be earned by our human strength.

Have you ever considered how selfish we sometimes are as believers? God found us in our mess, accepted us without condition, cleaned us up, rehabilitated us, and gave us a fresh start. But we struggle when we see other people come to God- People who we feel are ‘not so worthy’. It could be the twilight girl you have always seen on K-street, or the boy in your hood who has been a drug peddler, or 'mama nanii' who is known for practising witchcraft...however extreme the case may be, we feel that they are not deserving of forgiveness. Surely their slate cannot just be washed clean! Just like that? What about atonement? Can they at least prove that they have really really transformed before we accept them into the body of Christ? Can they at least put in some effort- work at earning their place among us?

We act as though the grace of God is here on a limited edition and is only available to a few of us, a few deserving people.

(Photography by Nesh Maina)

I was looking back, reflecting on my journey the other day and I was brought to a fresh awakening in the core of my being. I was reminded that had it not been for the grace of God that has picked me up time and time again, I would not be here. I thought of the times I was so stressed and depressed that I actually toyed with the idea of suicide (pick up your jaw). Or the times I wondered what it would feel like if I bought some strong liquor, locked myself in, and drowned my sorrows (don’t act like it's never crossed your mind). I have had some dark nights in my life; crushing blows that have driven me to my knees but God has been faithful. He has covered me with His grace and worked on my heart and my mind. He has spoken life, strength, and courage even in times when I wanted to hang my head low in humiliation. Jehovah has been the lifter of my head. It is his unfathomable will, and divine providence that has kept me.

Why would I not want someone else to experience His mercy and the grace of second, third, fourth chances? Why would I not want them to feel the power of redemption? Why do we downplay our mistakes and shortcomings but project those of other people, publicly humiliating and ridiculing them? What if we  stopped talking frivolously and become sensitive with our words?

What if we extended the hand that was extended to us? What if we embraced them and covered their shame? What if we told them that it is not over for them and that they can start over? What if we loved them enough to show them that the grace given to us is also available to them?

What if...?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.