You Must Win

When the year began, I shared with you that I was choosing to stay hopeful in spite of all that had happened in my life. As I wrote, I never knew that in less than a week I would be laying my little niece to rest. It was a devastating experience for my family and definitely not the way to start a new year. But you know, we are still staying hopeful. My prayer has been that God will not allow our hope to be cut off. You see, sometimes life can deal you blow after blow, after blow... but our victory in God is guaranteed. It is like a match that has been fixed- however many punches the enemy throws, we are guaranteed to win. 

Rachel Johnston Photography

A little while ago someone read through my blog and decided to write me a lengthy message whose summary was: Stop believing in God.  Ordinarily my first instinct would have been anger, and self-defense. I would have retaliated in an equally lengthy manner...but instead my heart broke for him, because you see, the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are lost and are perishing. I cling on to God despite everything I may have lost because I when I look back I see that what I have gained is so much more... I also know that these trials, the testing of my faith is only for a moment. 

I am not besotted, drunk on false hope and clinging to a nonexistent possibility.  This is not a monumental effort; this is as real as it gets.

For anyone who is reading this and feeling that they have been standing in the rain too long, hear me say: it will subside. The best thing about winter, is that spring is coming. The best thing about darkness is that the dawn awaits. The best thing about mourning is that joy is guaranteed.  God is about to turn things around for you...do you perceive it?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Hello Wairimu!

A few days ago I bumped into someone I have known most of my life. We were never the best of friends, but have always been cordial with one another. I smiled when I saw her, but instead of getting a smile in return, she threw her sun glasses on, flipped her hair, and looked the other way. I thought to myself, surely, she did not just ignore me! Lol. I figured there was only one way to find out. Loudly, I called out her name, ‘hello Wairimu’! (not her real name). She quickly mumbled a greeting under her breath without making eye contact and briskly walked past me. Imagine my confusion...! I stood there a few seconds, stunned, trying to process what had just happened. I will admit, I was partly amused at how much effort she had put into ignoring me, but the other part of me was, yes, a little hurt and a little insulted. If her intention had been to hurt me, then *insert applause*, she succeeded.

Have you ever been in that situation, where you run up to someone to say hello and they ignore you, or you wave at them and they do not wave back? Then you awkwardly put your hand back down and look around hoping no one saw you? I am sure you know how humiliating that can be.

How about when you get a new job or join a new school and find someone you already knew. Your first instict is relief because this person can show you the ropes and you will not have to stick out like a sore thumb- but then the person acts as though you have never met before, infact...what was your name again...?

My little bizarre experience the other day made me think of one who knows my name and regardless of how many times I fall out, he never denies me as his own. I thought of Him, who wakes me up in the morning, showers me with love throughout the day, and then watches over me as I sleep. I thought of how nothing I do could ever make me earn or loose his love. It is unmerited and unconditional. I actually thought of how many times as a young believer I tried to give my friends a different impression of our relationship- That He and I were really not thaaaat close, because I wanted so desperately to fit in, and at whatever cost. It made me wonder how much it broke his heart, to have the one you love deny you.

Photography by Mwaniki Will

Have I been the one to throw on my sunglasses and look the other way when He tried to reach out to me? When he told me to call sister so-and-so, or buy food for that mama sitting by the roadside...each time I have rolled up my window, each time I have ignored the prompting to encourage somebody, when I have shut my eyes instead of sparing a few minutes to thank Him for the day...every single time that I have opted to pick up a novel instead of opening my Bible to hear from Him, have I not been just like Wairimu*?

It breaks the heart of God when He constantly reaches out to us and we abuse his love by rejecting it.  When he helps us clean up our messes and we give everybody the glory, but Him. How many times do we celebrate our BFF’s, our mothers, our pastors, but never Him? Never God? Our source of life and everything? Sure we have the lingo right, ‘I want to thank God for...’ but are we truly thankful? Because if we are, it would be more than lip service offered to him. It would be evident in the way we live our lives.

I am really grateful that I bumped into Wairimu* the other day and more so that she ignored me. Had I not had a refresher on being ignored (lol), I may not have taken time to reevaluate my relationship with God. As we continue on with this season of lent and prepare to celebrate Easter, may Christ be truly found in our hearts, holding the place of authority and reverence that He rightfully deserves.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

HOPE...FUL

Let me start by saying, Happy new year- not in a cliché kind of way, but truly wishing you a year full of joy and happiness. Some of you have written me asking what happened to the African girls’ reflections last month, and I must admit I was hoping no one would notice the inconsistency on that one. Haha. 

Well truth be told, I made a feeble attempt at writing and was somewhat not in the right head and heart space. You see, I made a promise to God and myself that I would always write from a genuine place, and never out of routine, or expectations set before me.  

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, followed closely by Easter.  I love everything about it; from the music, to the trees and lights...I loved the snow when I lived in Canada...the sales and great discounts...there is something very magical about it. But more importantly is what Christmas signifies for all believers. Though it is debatable what day Jesus was born, we get to celebrate his birth during this season...a little babe born in a manger, who later on became our redeemer and cornerstone of our faith.

But this year Christmas was different for me. I felt an overwhelming sadness. On Christmas morning I remember helping out with preparations for the day, and in the process had a serious meltdown.  It had been a culmination of many things I was feeling gearing up to that day. My father loved Christmas. He always had something special planned, and even after we had long moved out of his nest he made sure to remind us how important and significant that day was. I knew without fail that he would call me on Christmas day and with his loud booming voice, say, “Merry Christmas Kasuni”! I felt as though Christmas day 2014 was a reminder of what I lost last year.  And because it was too cheery a season, I thought not to dampen your moods, but instead hold out and get to talk to you in the new year, so here I am :)

Incidentally on the same day, a friend of mine shared with me a post written by G. Cordinton, and I am convinced that those words were meant for me. (OK and perhaps  you as well).  Allow me to share an excerpt from what he wrote. “...We experience pain because we miss the vibrancy of the person who is not there, and what we feel is another emotion that honors their life...Christmas is not a fake, superficial happiness. It knows deep sorrow. It understands grief and separation. It endures pain. It reminds us that our Savior not only came to save, but He also came to share our human experience and show us there IS hope”.

Oh what peace I found from reading those words! My Savior, the one that I was trying so hard to celebrate and put on a brave face for, understands my sorrow and in him I find rest for my soul, and hope for tomorrow.  There is no guarantee that Christmas will not always remind me of dad...I just hope that when it does, I will also be reminded that in Christ my eternal hope is found.

Photography by Paul (Emms studio)
MakeUp by Njanja

When the year 2014 began I was very excited. I remember sitting by the window watching snowfall, somewhere in Maryland. I was hopeful about the year ahead. I wrote down my resolutions and recommitted my heart to God.  But I did not have the slightest premonition of the tornado that was about to hit my family. I did not lose my faith in God, but I admittedly felt a great sense of loss and disappointment. 

When this year, 2015 began, I felt very indifferent about many things. I thought to myself that if I did not have any expectations then I would not be disappointed by anything that went wrong. But over the last few days God has been dealing with my heart (even though I did not ask Him to) LOL. He chastens whom He loves.  Beloved, I know now without a doubt that God uses our deepest pain, fear, and disappointments as a launching pad for our greatest calling.

I have spent a lot of time by myself lately, not because I am lonely, but because I know God needed me to be at a place of quiet in order to hear what he wants me to do. I still do not have a list of resolutions- I will work on those and maybe share some with you as the year unfolds. But I have great expectations. The Word of God says that hope does not disappoint. It does not put us to shame. Therefore I will not live in fear of failure or loss. I choose to put my trust in the God of all hope.

I know this has been a long one, and thank you for staying with me to the end.  As I finish, allow me to say this. That we find healing for our hearts when we give of ourselves to others. Some of you reading this may be able to relate to my pain in one way or the other, but hear me say this: do not allow yourself to get absorbed in your pain. Look around you...there is always someone in need of love...a hug...a smile...a hundred bob...food...a listening ear...a shoulder to lean on...love on others, and before you know it, you will begin to find healing in your broken places.

I pray that you have a most amazing year ahead. May you thrive and excel in whatever you set out to do! I will be here, writing you, cheering you on and praying for you. Beloved, you are blessed. Exceedingly and abundantly so!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

P/S: I’ll be changing things up a little on my blog this year. You need to look out for that ;-) #MwakaMpya na #MamboMapya!