#JustEnough

As clear as day, I remember how the year 2015 started. I was with one of my friends counting down to the new year- fireworks lit the sky and my spirit soared with each explosion! In the most dramatic, animated manner we waved goodbye to the hard year that had been 2014! We were done, done, DONE with it, and ready to take on 2015 with renewed zeal and hope. "Good bye 2014"!, we shouted...Good bye!

There is so much I would like to say about the year 2015, but I will spare you the details. I will say this though- it was definitely not what I had hoped it would be. It would seem as though the giants were bigger, the mountains were higher, and the valleys were much, much deeper than I anticipated. Deflated. That is the word that adequately describes how I felt for the most part last year. And yet as I look back, ponder, reflect and soul-search, I cannot deny the unmistakable presence of God in my life. He has been there...in the details...giving me enough light each step of the way. A wise woman once gave me an illustration of how when you carry a lamp at night, it lights up the area around your feet. Everything else remains engulfed in darkness, but as you keep moving, you find enough light for every step. That is exactly what God was to me all of last year- a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path. 2015 was the year of 'just enough'. Just enough grace...just enough light...just enough joy...just enough money...just enough...just enough for every moment, and every day. I felt like the children of Israel, wandering through the wilderness, lost and confused, yet knowing that there was provision for them every day. God provided manna for them. It was enough for every meal and they could not store it up for the next day. They had to trust that He, Jehovah Jireh, their provider would meet their need at every point.

Emmanuel Jambo Photography

2015 taught me how to depend on God with everything I have. It taught me that my sanity, my integrity, and my existence is all pegged on Him, and without Him I am, and have absolutely nothing.

As I have prayed for myself I have also prayed for you beloved, that your hope will not be cut off. That you will receive the blessing of a new year with open arms in spite of all the pain, heartache, and disappointment you may have experienced the last couple of months.

Dear God,

Thank you for the precious gift of life that you have given in abundance. Thank you for every need that you met in the past year, and every prayer that you answered. As hard as it is, I also thank you for the doors that remained shut, and the opportunities that slipped through. Thank you for the times when I felt betrayed by people I trusted, because those times pointed me to you- a friend who sticks closer than a brother. God I pray for everyone reading this who may have had a difficult year. May their strength be renewed. I pray that you put a new song in their mouth, and a fresh spring in their step. May we not be blind-sided by any form of disappointment, and miss out on what you are already doing- a new thing; a beautiful thing! Thank you for another year. A new chance to serve you and bring you honor. 

In your mighty, matchless, name I pray,

Amen.

Just Stop

I decided to sleep in, even though I had a myriad things laid out for the day. I decided to sleep in, and alas, the world did not come to a screeching halt. Sure, I had a lot of catching up to do- e-mails to respond to, meetings to reschedule, text messages to write...but nothing went as out of balance as I imagined it would. It brought me to the realization that if I stop for just a minute, to breathe...to exhale...if  I just give myself the permission to be human, it would be alright. 

I don't know about you but everyday I meet people- we say hello, and my reflex response to the question, 'How are you'? Is usually either, 'good', 'great', 'I'm fine'...and they in turn respond in kind, but since I know that I am not always as 'great' as I want to seem, I go away wondering if other people are really always just fine...always just...great.

We work so hard to give others a superficial perception of how we really are, while sometimes we are breaking and falling apart on the inside. So many of us are walking journeys that are neither easy, nor ideal. The one thing I am certain of, is that none of us have it together all the time.

Two weeks ago I boarded a flight, and while our plane taxied, we went through the usual motion of in-flight safety instructions. I have to admit I am not always as attentive as I ought to be, but on this day I decided to sit back, and pay attention. Well I'm glad I did, because I heard something that has been said on every single flight I have ever taken, but it never struck me the way it did on that day.

"...In the event of an emergency, place your oxygen mask firmly over your nose and mouth...if you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask first, and then assist the other person".

Haiya! It dawned on me that in order for me to be able to assist another passenger in case of an emergency, I would have to take care of myself first. So I thought to myself: how many times do we get it twisted? Our hearts are in the right place in wanting to help others, but how can we possibly be effective when we are actually at the risk of a burn out? How can we give what we do not have? No wonder Christ said to love others as you love yourself; meaning you would be incapable of even knowing what it means to love another if you do not love yourself first. 

Somewhere in Nyali

I challenge you today to move out of the back burner. Stop trying to save the world; discover what your purpose is and pursue it. But as you do so, take a nap if you must. Go on holiday if you can. Switch off your phone. Get off Facebook for a day. Let someone watch the kids for a few hours. Cancel that date. Change your hair color. Do something that allows you to rest. Give yourself the permission to recharge. 

Beloved, just stop.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

What If...?

I recently had some beautiful box braids done, but time came to take them down. A friend of mine made a comment on how she does not allow any scissors near her hair when taking out braids, and I completely agree with her. I only trust myself to have the scissors when undoing my hair, because I take extra caution and ensure that I cut only the extensions while leaving my hair intact. I have to admit that once in a while I chop my own ends by mistake, but it's not such a big deal because it was my mistake, you know? I have had some not-so-good experiences in the past when I have allowed other people to undo my hair, and because they are sometimes in a rush, or a little absent-minded they end up chopping off my hair! Whoa!

This got me thinking about grace, and how we have so much of it for ourselves, but very little for other people. We sometimes pardon ourselves quickly but can hold grudges against people for years. Why? Why are the standards different when it comes to dealing with other people? You see, grace, whether directed towards ourselves or to others, is undeserved. Unmerited. Grace is powerful because it cannot be earned by our human strength.

Have you ever considered how selfish we sometimes are as believers? God found us in our mess, accepted us without condition, cleaned us up, rehabilitated us, and gave us a fresh start. But we struggle when we see other people come to God- People who we feel are ‘not so worthy’. It could be the twilight girl you have always seen on K-street, or the boy in your hood who has been a drug peddler, or 'mama nanii' who is known for practising witchcraft...however extreme the case may be, we feel that they are not deserving of forgiveness. Surely their slate cannot just be washed clean! Just like that? What about atonement? Can they at least prove that they have really really transformed before we accept them into the body of Christ? Can they at least put in some effort- work at earning their place among us?

We act as though the grace of God is here on a limited edition and is only available to a few of us, a few deserving people.

(Photography by Nesh Maina)

I was looking back, reflecting on my journey the other day and I was brought to a fresh awakening in the core of my being. I was reminded that had it not been for the grace of God that has picked me up time and time again, I would not be here. I thought of the times I was so stressed and depressed that I actually toyed with the idea of suicide (pick up your jaw). Or the times I wondered what it would feel like if I bought some strong liquor, locked myself in, and drowned my sorrows (don’t act like it's never crossed your mind). I have had some dark nights in my life; crushing blows that have driven me to my knees but God has been faithful. He has covered me with His grace and worked on my heart and my mind. He has spoken life, strength, and courage even in times when I wanted to hang my head low in humiliation. Jehovah has been the lifter of my head. It is his unfathomable will, and divine providence that has kept me.

Why would I not want someone else to experience His mercy and the grace of second, third, fourth chances? Why would I not want them to feel the power of redemption? Why do we downplay our mistakes and shortcomings but project those of other people, publicly humiliating and ridiculing them? What if we  stopped talking frivolously and become sensitive with our words?

What if we extended the hand that was extended to us? What if we embraced them and covered their shame? What if we told them that it is not over for them and that they can start over? What if we loved them enough to show them that the grace given to us is also available to them?

What if...?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.