Rock Bottom

A friend of mine shared her journal entry with me a little while ago, and after pleading with her, she gave me the permission to share it on my blog. I asked to share it with you because it not only made me laugh, but because it was so relatable on many levels- how we sometimes navigate through extreme highs and lows, but God. He remains to be the constant that helps us adjust to the variables of life. I hope you will be encouraged. I hope you will realize that from 'Rock bottom', the only other way is Up!

"Yesterday was a good day. Those have been few and far between recently; but yesterday was a good day. I woke up and jumped on my new weighing scale and it said 57 Kgs. WHAT???!!!!! How did I lose that much weight in such a short amount of time, with such minimal effort? Oh well, JOY!!!!! That was exactly the kind of high I needed for my Big Appointment for the day- my brunch meeting with Mr. Man, to figure out where we are headed. So I dressed up, and off I went!

I felt like a million bucks, and then some, so I projected just that. When Mr. Man came, I was at ease and sure of myself; in control of my otherwise errant emotions and ready for the eventuality of our conversation. Well, the conversation was raw and somewhat painful but productive; progressive. How I would have loved for us to jump the gun to planning a forever together but I know now more than ever how important this process is, and we are asking God to help us through it.

Then he begun to prode, ‘Have you gone back to the gym? ...will you?... ’ I confidently responded to his questions. I guess he had also noticed my impressive weight loss! I took a moment in the bathroom before we left to examine my trim self. I had lost weight, hadn't I? 
Just to be sure, I went straight to my new weighing machine when I got home. But then I had to focus and re-weigh a couple of times because the machine...was now sending me conflicting messages; it was showing that I was 10 Kgs heavier than I was in the morning. 10! Lord knows I would not have been so confident had this been what I had seen earlier.

The next day I woke up feeling…Bleh!!!! The Scale had pulled a fast one on me and I was worried about the fresh results. Knocking on 70 Kgs????? me?????? Lord No!!!! How did we even get here? I had a couple of meetings to get to but all of a sudden none of my clothes fit. None made me feel ‘like a million bucks’. I had clothes strewn all over my floor, and I just wanted to crawl back into bed and forget about showing up anywhere. Ever.

I did however talk myself out of the funk and got out of the house, straight  to the ATM Machine. *drum rolls please* Account Balance: 0.00!!!!!! Now I could not even afford to buy ingredients for my new detox plan. Suddenly I was anxious about everything. Do I have enough airtime? Fuel? Will there be food if visitors stop by? How do I pay rent next month? Take care of my daily needs? Oh and my funky funky nails…. I cannot get those done either? Well thank God my hair is braided because I have no room for extravagance!

You see, when I chose to pursue my Entrepreneurial dream I was not quite prepared for the challenges that come with it. No one tells you while they are cheering you on, how hard it will be. The hurdles before the consistent pay cheques begin to roll in, finding the right team...Nobody told me about the possibility of losing friends, putting on weight from binge eating, getting depressed, the endless excuses for my sorry state…Nobody told me that before rising I would have to hit rock bottom!!

(African American Art)

That day, I hit rock bottom. I drove to my house and ate ‘The Last Supper’ a meal fueled by depression and the realization that though the facade I put ou

t was of an all together lady, the reality was that I had no money in my account, no prospects of where I would get an income from, no idea on how to get my dream moving and no morale to push.

That day I hit rock bottom and I acknowledged that Superwoman had swiftly left the building. All I wanted to do was wallow in self pity.

Then I picked up the phone and called an old friend. I needed reassurance from someone who had walked this path; I needed to know that it would be ok. We spoke, and he asked me to say a prayer of thanksgiving- to thank God even when things did not make sense, and to thank Him because the future was immensely promising even though I couldn't see it from where I stood.

Here goes…

I thank You my God, My Father and My Savior. I thank You my Provider, My Healer, and Constant Friend in an ever-changing world. I thank You in the uncertainty because your promises are yea and amen. I thank you in the darkness because the Protector of Israel never slumbers nor sleeps. I thank you for the things I hope for yet I have not seen; my Faith is in you. I thank you for good health, for family and friends, restored relationships and seasons that you have allowed to end. I thank you for today; the day I hit rock bottom for it defines tomorrow. I thank you because you have good plans for me; plans to prosper me. Plans to give me a good future and hope for future generations through me. I thank you because you put in me all these Hopes, Dreams, Desires and Aspirations, and you will be faithful to complete them.

Lord, today I hit rock bottom. I know it did not catch you by surprise. I was at my lowest and you knew it would happen. I thank you for this rock bottom season; because I know it will help me to appreciate the season of plenty that you are preparing for me- a great bounty in the presence of my enemies for Your Glory and Your Honor’. Even though today I feel discouraged, dejected and downcast, I thank you for life. I thank You Lord…

I have no idea what tomorrow holds, but  I made it through My Rock Bottom day. So I am hopeful for the days to come".

P/S: I hope I can convince her to share the follow up to this post a little while down the line...
Beloved, keep your head up. Stay hopeful.

From my heart to yours,
Kambua M.