Just For You

I haven’t blogged in days, no weeks, no months! Yikes. To be honest, I allowed myself to get overtaken by events.  I have been busy, but that is no excuse. On the other hand there are many things I have actually written about, but the time to share them is not yet right. I have learned to follow the leading of God on when to speak about certain things, and when to hold my peace until I get a green light. Timing is everything. Having said that, thank you to all who have written asking me why I have not posted anything in a while. Trust me, I need and appreciate the pressure.

Yesterday was Christmas Day. This year I purposed in my heart to have a most amazing time. The last two years an air of melancholy has surrounded me every time Christmas came knocking. I felt hopelessness. The year that my Pa’ died (did I just say that? He died)- anyway, that was one sad Christmas. I did not understand what the cheer was all about. He had always ensured that this one day in the year would be most memorable for us, and so when I realized that for the first of many Christmases he would not be with us, my heart was an inconsolable flood of tears.

Last year was just okay. Uneventful. It could have been any other day except for the food and family. This year I asked God to re-awaken not just the love of Christmas, but the celebration of Christ in my heart. Jesus, the treasure of heaven. And so I decorated, planned, and thoroughly enjoyed Christmas day.

I know what it feels like to see the world celebrate, while you roll over in bed wondering what the fuss is about. I have been there. I know how crazy it is to nurse a broken heart when all around you are lights and gifts. And food. And laughter. I’ve been there. 

But I also know that the one whose birth we celebrate on Christmas day is the Prince of Peace. Healer of our hearts. Lifter of our heads. Emmanuel, God with us. He is the Chief Priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses. Shed off whatever is holding you back and reach out for His hand.

While my broken place has been as a result of grief, yours may be different. A broken marriage. A miscarriage. An addiction. Loneliness. Failure. Joblessness. It does not matter. Christ can redeem you from any form of pain. My prayer for you beloved is that you will know that when you call Him, Jesus, He hears you. He sees you. He loves you. You’re His absolute favorite- the apple of His eye. He intercedes for you. He protects you from so many things you will never even know! He restores your soul. He moves heaven for you. Whatever it takes, He will do- just for you.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Go Through It

A couple of days ago I sat around a bonfire in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of friends eating some good nyama, listening to great music, having light conversation, and I realized that I am blessed. Like really, truly, overwhelmingly blessed. You see, life has been happening so fast and in the pursuit of success it's easy to lose sight of little blessings that keep coming our way. So as I sat there laughing at just about everything, fretting a little bit about how my hair would be smelling of smoke the next day, I admitted to myself that even in the darkest of nights there is a blessing.

Being content does not mean that everything is going as it should, and it definitely doesn’t mean that you are at the place you want to be. It simply means that you recognize the value of every moment and know that nothing happens by chance. I recently shared on my Instagram page: kambuamuziki, that I have been going through a very frustrating season in my life. It has been tough. Like hair-pulling, nerve-wracking, cry-me-a-river tough. But through it I have had no doubt in my mind that God has been with me. He has given me a deep seated peace that I cannot explain. So when I say, “I am fine”, it's because I know that God’s got me.

(Nesh Maina Photography)

Here’s the thing. As long as you have life in you, you will be tried and tested, in all sorts of ways. You may lose your job, or your friends. You may go through a divorce, or have to deal with grief. You may go bankrupt or get evicted. As long as you are here…you will go through hell and high waters. You will go through deep valleys, climb treacherous mountains, rough terrain, and very narrow paths. 

But you will never go through it alone. God made you that promise, and His Word which is His bond, is inerrant and infallible. Remember the three Hebrew boys thrown in a fiery furnace? The fourth man was there with them. Or Daniel in the den of lions? God was with Him. How about Peter walking on water and having a moment of weakness…if only...if only he had known that as long as Jesus was with him, no way was he going to drown.

He walks with you beloved. Stop worrying about things that you cannot change and trust that God is doing a new thing.  A little over two years ago I felt as though I had hit an iceberg and was surely going to drown. When I lost my father I experienced a numbness I had never known before- my world was engulfed in darkness that lurked over me with no hope of illumination. I went through the motions of ‘moving on’ as I was expected to, but I could not, for the life of me, climb out of that dark hole. My days were curdled in lethargy and I constantly felt flaccid and afraid.

But a few months ago I looked back and realized that the numbness had slowly ebbed away, and even though it still hurts to think of a future without the man I called dad, I don’t feel like I am drowning anymore. It has taken the hand of God to slowly but surely get my feet back on solid ground. So, if God carried me through that, how about this season- won’t he do it!

What I’m trying to say is, cliché as it may sound, no situation is permanent. Do not despair, whatever it is, your story is your truth, your testimony. And God is your strength. Be brave. Go through it so that someone else might find the courage to fight through their own battle. Stay hopeful. Seasons change. Keep your tent pitched in the land of hope. I have set mine up right next to yours as I wait for my breakthrough.

Go through it, will you?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M. 

Waterloo

In the year 1815, a most historical thing happened in Waterloo, Belgium. The French army under the command of Napoleon, fought against the English under the command of the Duke of Wellington- and the French lost miserably. The battle of Waterloo went down in history as the humiliation of all humiliations. It was so bad, that the French to date (200 years on), do not commemorate it as a part of their history. I share this with a lot of tenderness because I have French relatives. lol. Anyway, the French attributed their failure to Napoleon’s ill health…they even seemingly blamed God because it had rained the day before and the mud supposedly affected the way they fought. Excuses…excuses….one after another in quick succession!

When I first heard this story I thought to myself, ‘well what’s the big deal? I mean, people win and lose battles all the time’. But as I go through life and face my own battles I must admit that I have experienced my Waterloo’s- situations that have left me so beaten and deflated, so defeated and humiliated, that I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and act as though none of it ever happened.

The proverbial Waterloo is a place that breeds and nurtures fear. Fear that if people pay close attention, if they look deep into the recesses of your heart they will see that you are not as great a person as they think you are. They will realize that you are not as strong and brave as you have made them think. They will see the truth for what it is; that many times you walk around feeling like a fraud. Waterloo. The humiliation of all humiliations.

(African American art)

I have been pondering over the issue of failure. I thought about David committing adultery and murder. Or Moses losing his temper and also becoming a murderer. And then I thought about Ruth leaving her home country to follow her husband and returning home childless and widowed. Or the beautiful Sarah who allowed her handmaid to bear a son by her husband and then deeply resented her for it. My heart is especially tender towards Peter who out of fear denied the one he had devoted his life to- not once, not twice, but thrice. I even chuckle a little when I think about Jonah, who disobeyed God and ended up in the belly of a whale (yikes).

These men and women came short by any standards and yet we talk about them as men and women who greatly impacted the history of our faith. Yes they failed, but more importantly they allowed God’s power to be clearly etched in their weakness. They surrendered their pride, their dignity, and all those other things they had held on to and allowed God to turn it all around in ways that only He could.

I may not know what your proverbial Waterloo is…it could be a career that has gone up in ashes, a broken marriage, a home eviction, a struggle with substance abuse, or even stupid little choices that you have made along the way that seem to constantly hang over your head. But what I do know is that at this very moment, God is offering both you and I, a chance to press the re-set button and start all over again. He wants you to know that your past is just that; your past. You can grow from the mistakes you have made. You can climb that brick wall. You can break the glass ceiling you have placed over your head. The voice of truth is calling you on up to take away your shame and restore your dignity. It is the intertwining of our mistakes and the grace of God that works to create a most beautiful tapestry. Nothing lost, nothing wasted.

Have an amazing month. Waterloo happened, but it must never hold you down. 

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M. 

Just Do It!

Just do it! Nike might need to pay me for this endorsement. Lol. No seriously, I think they have one of the most brilliant slogans. Who would have thought that ‘just doing it’ would be so difficult? I mean, procrastination- this has to be the enemy of progress!

I’m sitting here, working my brains out on a project I have known about for the last 3 months. (I really hope my professor is not reading this). But really, this is the story of my life on just about everything else. I usually know what needs to be done, but I choose to wait…I chase butterflies…dance in the rain…count sheep, and then…quick! I’m running out of time! Somehow the pressure pushes me to accomplish what I need to do. I wing it. Often times. Many times. Most of the time. But then I was thinking about how much better it would be if I didn’t wait that long to start. If I just do it, when I’m supposed to. If I take my time to plan, strategize and execute without the unnecessary pressure. How excellent would I be in the things that I do?

A friend of mine recently told me that procrastination is the curse of the introvert. I thought to myself, surely, can this curse not be undone? Of course it can. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. This is not just in reference to the ‘big’ things, but also the little things that are important to me because they matter to God too.

Jose Thome Photography

I am a recovering procrastinator. I am making conscious decisions to stop mulling over things I need to do- to stop over processing them and just get them done. It is in my nature to do things when I feel that I have fully figured them out; when they are perfect. But I realize

that the only way I can perfect those things is not in my head, but rather in taking chances and doing them…figuring it out as I move along. Take a chance with me, will you?

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth"

- Proverbs 27:1

*Side bar*

I bumped into an acquaintance the other day (anajijua). He questioned me at length about my blog posts…why I was not writing as much. I had a myriad of excuses! He went on to tell me that he has been an avid reader, that my writing encourages and challenges him. He even told me how he introduced his sister to my blog and she had been asking him, “Has she written anything else yet”? You know what? I needed that. I needed to be called out and put on the spot about it. I can give you a gazillion reasons as to why I have been slow in writing but I won’t. So here I am, committing to “Just do it”, whether I feel like it or not, and making time to write even when I am busy, knowing that I write not just to offload but mostly, and especially, to encourage one or maybe two of you on your journey. Catch you next month!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M. 

Rock Bottom

A friend of mine shared her journal entry with me a little while ago, and after pleading with her, she gave me the permission to share it on my blog. I asked to share it with you because it not only made me laugh, but because it was so relatable on many levels- how we sometimes navigate through extreme highs and lows, but God. He remains to be the constant that helps us adjust to the variables of life. I hope you will be encouraged. I hope you will realize that from 'Rock bottom', the only other way is Up!

"Yesterday was a good day. Those have been few and far between recently; but yesterday was a good day. I woke up and jumped on my new weighing scale and it said 57 Kgs. WHAT???!!!!! How did I lose that much weight in such a short amount of time, with such minimal effort? Oh well, JOY!!!!! That was exactly the kind of high I needed for my Big Appointment for the day- my brunch meeting with Mr. Man, to figure out where we are headed. So I dressed up, and off I went!

I felt like a million bucks, and then some, so I projected just that. When Mr. Man came, I was at ease and sure of myself; in control of my otherwise errant emotions and ready for the eventuality of our conversation. Well, the conversation was raw and somewhat painful but productive; progressive. How I would have loved for us to jump the gun to planning a forever together but I know now more than ever how important this process is, and we are asking God to help us through it.

Then he begun to prode, ‘Have you gone back to the gym? ...will you?... ’ I confidently responded to his questions. I guess he had also noticed my impressive weight loss! I took a moment in the bathroom before we left to examine my trim self. I had lost weight, hadn't I? 
Just to be sure, I went straight to my new weighing machine when I got home. But then I had to focus and re-weigh a couple of times because the machine...was now sending me conflicting messages; it was showing that I was 10 Kgs heavier than I was in the morning. 10! Lord knows I would not have been so confident had this been what I had seen earlier.

The next day I woke up feeling…Bleh!!!! The Scale had pulled a fast one on me and I was worried about the fresh results. Knocking on 70 Kgs????? me?????? Lord No!!!! How did we even get here? I had a couple of meetings to get to but all of a sudden none of my clothes fit. None made me feel ‘like a million bucks’. I had clothes strewn all over my floor, and I just wanted to crawl back into bed and forget about showing up anywhere. Ever.

I did however talk myself out of the funk and got out of the house, straight  to the ATM Machine. *drum rolls please* Account Balance: 0.00!!!!!! Now I could not even afford to buy ingredients for my new detox plan. Suddenly I was anxious about everything. Do I have enough airtime? Fuel? Will there be food if visitors stop by? How do I pay rent next month? Take care of my daily needs? Oh and my funky funky nails…. I cannot get those done either? Well thank God my hair is braided because I have no room for extravagance!

You see, when I chose to pursue my Entrepreneurial dream I was not quite prepared for the challenges that come with it. No one tells you while they are cheering you on, how hard it will be. The hurdles before the consistent pay cheques begin to roll in, finding the right team...Nobody told me about the possibility of losing friends, putting on weight from binge eating, getting depressed, the endless excuses for my sorry state…Nobody told me that before rising I would have to hit rock bottom!!

(African American Art)

That day, I hit rock bottom. I drove to my house and ate ‘The Last Supper’ a meal fueled by depression and the realization that though the facade I put ou

t was of an all together lady, the reality was that I had no money in my account, no prospects of where I would get an income from, no idea on how to get my dream moving and no morale to push.

That day I hit rock bottom and I acknowledged that Superwoman had swiftly left the building. All I wanted to do was wallow in self pity.

Then I picked up the phone and called an old friend. I needed reassurance from someone who had walked this path; I needed to know that it would be ok. We spoke, and he asked me to say a prayer of thanksgiving- to thank God even when things did not make sense, and to thank Him because the future was immensely promising even though I couldn't see it from where I stood.

Here goes…

I thank You my God, My Father and My Savior. I thank You my Provider, My Healer, and Constant Friend in an ever-changing world. I thank You in the uncertainty because your promises are yea and amen. I thank you in the darkness because the Protector of Israel never slumbers nor sleeps. I thank you for the things I hope for yet I have not seen; my Faith is in you. I thank you for good health, for family and friends, restored relationships and seasons that you have allowed to end. I thank you for today; the day I hit rock bottom for it defines tomorrow. I thank you because you have good plans for me; plans to prosper me. Plans to give me a good future and hope for future generations through me. I thank you because you put in me all these Hopes, Dreams, Desires and Aspirations, and you will be faithful to complete them.

Lord, today I hit rock bottom. I know it did not catch you by surprise. I was at my lowest and you knew it would happen. I thank you for this rock bottom season; because I know it will help me to appreciate the season of plenty that you are preparing for me- a great bounty in the presence of my enemies for Your Glory and Your Honor’. Even though today I feel discouraged, dejected and downcast, I thank you for life. I thank You Lord…

I have no idea what tomorrow holds, but  I made it through My Rock Bottom day. So I am hopeful for the days to come".

P/S: I hope I can convince her to share the follow up to this post a little while down the line...
Beloved, keep your head up. Stay hopeful.

From my heart to yours,
Kambua M.

How Long?

You have heard it said time and time again that waiting on God is worthwhile. While this is in fact very true, nobody tells you how daunting a task waiting is. I have made countless prayers to God, and trusted that He will come through for me- and God is faithful. He listens, and answers. But every once in a while I feel as though my prayers fall on a sandy beach, waiting to be washed away by the tide…prayers out, and no answer…just silence…almost as if they are gone with the wind. I start to get anxious, and ask the Lord, “Didn’t you hear my prayer”? And he ever so gently whispers to my heart, “Hush child; I heard you even before you asked”.

So why then does it take so painfully long for the manifestation of it to come?

Emmanuel Jambo photography

I am reminded of a promise that was once made by God to Abraham. He was old, and his wife was barren. But God made him a promise, that he would be the father of many nations. Quite laughable I must say! No wonder his beloved Sarai decided to devise her own plans by getting a surrogate. But this was not God’s plan. God had clearly said that Sarai would bear a son. It took 25 years from when God made the promise, to when Sarai conceived and bore a son. 25 long years!! This is more than half the life I’ve lived…but God did it. He kept His Word.

You see beloved, God is not a man that He should lie. He watches over His Word to perform it. These are not empty words, this is #truth! You can take it to the bank. His Word is His bond, and God is not out to play games with you. He is not in heaven gambling or playing hide and seek. When you feel as though His face is hidden from you, look a little closer…and when you cannot see, lean in and listen. You will hear Him speak comfort to you and a reassurance that He has not forgotten you.

Waiting on God can be tiring, trying, and very 

confusing. There are days I have my praise on ‘fleek’, and confidently claim how I don’t mind waiting on God. Then there are days when I am a hot, disappointed mess! My heart bleeds and all I can say through my sore voice, and puffy eyes is, “How long, O Lord, how long”?

I know for a fact that God will not let me, nor you be put to shame. He will give you double honor in the very place you have been mocked. In the presence of your enemies, He will lay a bountiful feast.

God who blessed Abraham and Sarah. God who opened Hannah’s womb. Jehovah El Roi, who remembered Hagar in the wilderness. The God who delivered the Israelites from Egypt. God who multiplied two fish and five loaves. God who restored everything that Job lost. God of the impossible. God who knows no limits. God who is not bound by time nor dictated by seasons- This is your God! Whatever it is you are trusting Him for, won’t He do it! He is working on your behalf, as you trust Him and wait on Him. Not one of the promises God has made over your life will fail. He will bring them all to pass, but only in His time.

So God I ask that you renew every weary heart. Your Word says that you give power to the faint and to him with no might you increase strength. As we continue to pitch our tents in the land of hope, I pray that this hope will not be cut off.

Amen.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

P/s: Catch me on Instagram: kambuamuziki. Oh and happy Valentine’s day! You are loved…

#JustEnough

As clear as day, I remember how the year 2015 started. I was with one of my friends counting down to the new year- fireworks lit the sky and my spirit soared with each explosion! In the most dramatic, animated manner we waved goodbye to the hard year that had been 2014! We were done, done, DONE with it, and ready to take on 2015 with renewed zeal and hope. "Good bye 2014"!, we shouted...Good bye!

There is so much I would like to say about the year 2015, but I will spare you the details. I will say this though- it was definitely not what I had hoped it would be. It would seem as though the giants were bigger, the mountains were higher, and the valleys were much, much deeper than I anticipated. Deflated. That is the word that adequately describes how I felt for the most part last year. And yet as I look back, ponder, reflect and soul-search, I cannot deny the unmistakable presence of God in my life. He has been there...in the details...giving me enough light each step of the way. A wise woman once gave me an illustration of how when you carry a lamp at night, it lights up the area around your feet. Everything else remains engulfed in darkness, but as you keep moving, you find enough light for every step. That is exactly what God was to me all of last year- a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path. 2015 was the year of 'just enough'. Just enough grace...just enough light...just enough joy...just enough money...just enough...just enough for every moment, and every day. I felt like the children of Israel, wandering through the wilderness, lost and confused, yet knowing that there was provision for them every day. God provided manna for them. It was enough for every meal and they could not store it up for the next day. They had to trust that He, Jehovah Jireh, their provider would meet their need at every point.

Emmanuel Jambo Photography

2015 taught me how to depend on God with everything I have. It taught me that my sanity, my integrity, and my existence is all pegged on Him, and without Him I am, and have absolutely nothing.

As I have prayed for myself I have also prayed for you beloved, that your hope will not be cut off. That you will receive the blessing of a new year with open arms in spite of all the pain, heartache, and disappointment you may have experienced the last couple of months.

Dear God,

Thank you for the precious gift of life that you have given in abundance. Thank you for every need that you met in the past year, and every prayer that you answered. As hard as it is, I also thank you for the doors that remained shut, and the opportunities that slipped through. Thank you for the times when I felt betrayed by people I trusted, because those times pointed me to you- a friend who sticks closer than a brother. God I pray for everyone reading this who may have had a difficult year. May their strength be renewed. I pray that you put a new song in their mouth, and a fresh spring in their step. May we not be blind-sided by any form of disappointment, and miss out on what you are already doing- a new thing; a beautiful thing! Thank you for another year. A new chance to serve you and bring you honor. 

In your mighty, matchless, name I pray,

Amen.