“When nothing seems to
help, I go look at a stone-cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred
times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first
blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all
that had gone before.” – Jacob A. Riis
When I first read this quote, it was almost as if for a few
seconds everything came to a standstill. I had to take a moment to compose
myself because I was at a coffee house and a break down would definitely have
drawn a lot of curious stares that I was not prepared for. You see, I have been
at this place where I feel like something has got to give. Day in day out I
pour my heart out into what I do, and it still feels like I’m miles away from
where I want to be. You would think that
having walked with God this long my faith would be stronger, but at the end of
the day I am human and sometimes my spirit is weaker that it should be.
I struggled to write this blog entry because I wasn’t
certain I had much to offer…I wondered how God wants me to encourage someone,
to love on them and remind them of His faithfulness while I have found myself
walking a path of fear, doubt and discouragement. How can I possibly give what
I don’t have? How can I tell you to hold on when I’ve considered giving up?
A few weeks ago our team had traveled to a school in Eldoret, and one of the students there
gave me a little note that I slipped into my Bible. It seemed really cute at
the time and I didn’t give it much thought, but today the words written on that
piece of paper were like a lifeline- they jumped right out at me. I realized
that God had known exactly what I would need today, and had already made
provision for it long before I thought I needed it. And He used a person I had
ministered to, to minister to me in turn. Well, the note simply
said, “Kambua, No way can God ever forget you; He carries your name engraved on
the palms of His hands. Depend on it”!
My vision is clearer now…the eyes of my faith had gotten a
little misty for a moment there. I see the keeper of my dreams for who He is.
He will never allow my foot to stumble. He won’t sit back and watch me crush
and burn. He cannot bring me this far to abandon me. God is not just a starter,
He is a finisher. He is a Father whose
joy is found in seeing me excel, because it brings Him glory. At this season in
my life it may seem as though I’m working at things and seeing no results, but
I compare myself to that stone-cutter who hammers at his rock over and over
again. At first there seems to be no change, but soon cracks begin to appear
and inevitably the rock splits in two. The breakthrough. It may have come at
the hundred and first blow as Jacob Riis said, but it’s the first, the second…the
fiftieth, the ninety third…all the blows that preceded it, that caused that
rock to give in.
So now I’m making a conscious decision to let go of the
feeling of hopelessness, the fatigue, the self-imposed limitations, the fear...the
glass ceiling I have so skilfully placed over my head. I am letting go of every set back that has
tried to get me off the path that God is skilfully working out for me. I will
continue to crack my ‘rock’ until it gives in. I know that someday the tassel
will be well worth the hassle. And my earnest hope is that you too, will keep
at it; whatever God has placed in your hands to do, do with all your heart and
might. You see, beloved, dwelling in the heart of God always ensures that
whatever challenges you face, whatever pain you bear, will someday have divine
purpose.
I now see that my dream is still pointing me forward, because
anything that is born of God is progressive. Just as the Star of David pointed the wise men
towards the King, so is my dream- pointing steadily towards all that The King
has prepared for me.
The young girl who gave me the note might never know how real,
true, and life-giving her words were but I am so thankful for this reminder: God has my name engraved on the palm of
His hands…which means that I am safe and secure there- in the hands that deliver me…The
hands in whose touch I find healing. The hands that comfort me…the hands upon
which my name is written. These hands not only carry my name; they carry yours too.
Kambua M.
