Let me start by saying, Happy new year- not in a cliché kind of way, but truly wishing you a year full of joy and happiness. Some of you
have written me asking what happened to the African girls’ reflections last
month, and I must admit I was hoping no one would notice the inconsistency on
that one. Haha.
Well truth be told, I made a feeble attempt at writing and was
somewhat not in the right head and heart space. You see, I made a promise to God
and myself that I would always write from a genuine place, and never out of
routine, or expectations set before me.
Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, followed closely
by Easter. I love everything about it; from the music, to the trees and lights...I loved the snow when I lived in
Canada...the sales and great discounts...there is something very magical about
it. But more importantly is what Christmas signifies for all believers. Though
it is debatable what day Jesus was born, we get to celebrate his birth during
this season...a little babe born in a manger, who later on became our
redeemer and cornerstone of our faith.
But this year Christmas was different for me. I felt an
overwhelming sadness. On Christmas morning I remember helping out with preparations
for the day, and in the process had a serious meltdown. It had been a culmination of many things I
was feeling gearing up to that day. My father loved Christmas. He always had
something special planned, and even after we had long moved out of his nest he
made sure to remind us how important and significant that day was. I knew
without fail that he would call me on Christmas day and with his loud booming
voice, say, “Merry Christmas Kasuni”! I felt as though Christmas day 2014 was a
reminder of what I lost last year. And
because it was too cheery a season, I thought not to dampen your moods, but
instead hold out and get to talk to you in the new year, so here I am :)
Incidentally on the same day, a friend of mine shared with me a post written by G.
Cordinton, and I am convinced that those words were meant for me. (OK and
perhaps you as well). Allow me to share an excerpt from what he
wrote. “...We experience pain because we miss the vibrancy of the person
who is not there, and what we feel is another emotion that honors their
life...Christmas is not a fake, superficial happiness. It knows deep sorrow. It
understands grief and separation. It endures pain. It reminds us that our
Savior not only came to save, but He also came to share our human experience
and show us there IS hope”.
Oh what peace I found from reading those words! My Savior,
the one that I was trying so hard to celebrate and put on a brave face for, understands my sorrow and in
him I find rest for my soul, and hope for tomorrow. There is no guarantee that Christmas will not
always remind me of dad...I just hope that when it does, I will also be reminded that
in Christ my eternal hope is found.
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| Photography by Paul (Emms studio) MakeUp by Njanja |
When the year 2014 began I was very excited. I remember sitting by
the window watching snowfall, somewhere in Maryland. I was hopeful about the
year ahead. I wrote down my resolutions and recommitted my heart to God. But I did not have the slightest premonition
of the tornado that was about to hit my family. I did not lose my faith in God,
but I admittedly felt a great sense of loss and disappointment.
When this year,
2015 began, I felt very indifferent about many things. I thought to myself that
if I did not have any expectations then I would not be disappointed by anything
that went wrong. But over the last few days God has been dealing with my heart
(even though I did not ask Him to) LOL. He chastens whom He loves. Beloved, I know now without a doubt that God
uses our deepest pain, fear, and disappointments as a launching pad for our
greatest calling.
I have spent a lot of time by myself lately, not because I am
lonely, but because I know God needed me to be at a place of quiet in order to
hear what he wants me to do. I still do not have a list of resolutions- I will
work on those and maybe share some with you as the year unfolds. But I have
great expectations. The Word of God says that hope does not disappoint. It does
not put us to shame. Therefore I will not live in fear of failure or loss. I choose
to put my trust in the God of all hope.
I know this has been a long one, and thank you for staying
with me to the end. As I finish, allow
me to say this. That we find healing for our hearts when we give of ourselves
to others. Some of you reading this may be able to relate to my pain in
one way or the other, but hear me say this: do not allow yourself to get
absorbed in your pain. Look around you...there is always someone in need of
love...a hug...a smile...a hundred bob...food...a listening ear...a shoulder to lean
on...love on others, and before you know it, you will begin to find healing in
your broken places.
I pray that you have a most amazing year ahead. May you thrive and
excel in whatever you set out to do! I will be here, writing you, cheering you
on and praying for you. Beloved, you are blessed. Exceedingly and abundantly
so!
From my heart to yours,
Kambua M.
P/S: I’ll be changing things up a little on my blog this
year. You need to look out for that ;-) #MwakaMpya na #MamboMapya!
