My heart, my world...

On the 9^th of April 2014 heaven gained a most amazing angel- my daddy. There is so much I want to say but the pain in my heart is like none other I have experienced before. But this blog post is not about the pain, the tears, or even the void that my dad left, but more so the life lessons I learned from a most peculiar man.

The months leading up to his home going were difficult in many ways, but it is during that time that I gained invaluable strength that I would otherwise have never attained. 

I thank God that He accorded dad the opportunity to bid us a proper farewell, and gave us in turn a chance to let him know how much we loved and valued him. Some days were harder than others, and my strength waned more often that I would like to admit. But each day God poured his grace afresh. I have come to know that grace is not the absence of the struggle, but rather the presence of God’s protection in the struggle. God protected us, and he protected my precious father until the day He called him home. 

Together with my family and friends we prayed and trusted God to heal my dad, and we held on to the hope that since God had graciously healed him in the past, He could do it again. One day as I was walking through the corridors of the hospital that had quickly become a second home, I bumped into a lady who had brought her ailing mom for treatment; she was terminally ill. The lady recognized me and we began to talk. She told me that she was trusting in God to heal her mother, knowing fully well that God can heal physically or permanently by taking her mother home. Up until then I had wrestled with the possibility of God taking dad home. But that day my prayer changed.  I made my peace with God. I continued to trust for physical healing without relenting, but I found comfort in knowing that if dad went home to be with God, that was healing too. Today I can boldly proclaim that my daddy is healed…forever healed!

I honor my mother- a true woman of God. She never wavered in her faith. She held on to the Word of God and encouraged us to do the same up until the end. We prayed over daddy, spoke the Word of God over him, and sang songs for him…what a privilege. 

I am also so grateful for invaluable friends, who have continued to walk this painfully unfamiliar path with us. The journey has been a lot more easier that it would otherwise have been had we walked alone. Life is for the living; invest in people…in friendships…in relationships. Our precious friends have been the hands of God, holding us close, crying with us, wiping our tears, laughing with us, telling us not to give up- to continue trusting in the Miracle-working Jehovah, and finally sharing in the sadness that we felt at saying 'kwaheri' to daddy.

A few days after dad left I was talking to a lady I dearly love- I told her how each morning I wake up with fresh pain and a whole new fountain of tears. Then she reminded me that God’s mercies are also new every morning. What profound truth. For every broken place there is new mercy…new grace, and a whole new dose of God’s healing balm that flows into the bleeding places of my life.

I write this blog to honor daddy who has officially joined the cloud of witnesses. Watching over us from the other side of heaven…cheering us on!  I celebrate my dad for being a selfless man who fought for us, defended our honor, and left behind a great legacy. I will carry him  in my heart always…I will someday tell my children about him…of what a great man he was, and how bravely and courageously he lived his life even when the odds were against him. I am inspired by how he lived, what he stood for, and how bravely he finished his race.  I miss him more than I can fully articulate, but God knows...He knows.

Thank you God that you accorded me the privilege of being daddy’s girl. Thank you that for all those who have never experienced the love of an earthly Father, they have you…I have you.  Thank you that I can sleep, and awake because you sustain me by your infinite might. God you are so great, greater than the pain in my heart, greater than I can ever conceive you to be. Thank you that even as I come to you broken, your love for me remains the same, never distorted.  In you God I find comfort. In you I find healing. In you I find hope. Though the tears fall, I have you. My heart…my world. 

Koma nesa daddy...lala salama...you are home now...kwa Yesu ndiko nyumbani. Until we meet again, dance with the angels, teach them all your fun, cheesy songs...your laughter will always ring in my ears. I will carry you in my heart always...

Your girl,

Kambua M.

My dad is top on my Roll of Honor. He joins my aunt Kanene whom we said goodbye to last year, my cousin Beauty, my friend David Yallo, my brother in the faith Kaberere, our sister Angela Chibalonza, and many others who have gone before. 

Who is on your roll of honor? 

Go on and share them here…let’s celebrate them as they continue to cheer us on, 

and bear witness to the lives we continue to live.