Just Stop

I decided to sleep in, even though I had a myriad things laid out for the day. I decided to sleep in, and alas, the world did not come to a screeching halt. Sure, I had a lot of catching up to do- e-mails to respond to, meetings to reschedule, text messages to write...but nothing went as out of balance as I imagined it would. It brought me to the realization that if I stop for just a minute, to breathe...to exhale...if  I just give myself the permission to be human, it would be alright. 

I don't know about you but everyday I meet people- we say hello, and my reflex response to the question, 'How are you'? Is usually either, 'good', 'great', 'I'm fine'...and they in turn respond in kind, but since I know that I am not always as 'great' as I want to seem, I go away wondering if other people are really always just fine...always just...great.

We work so hard to give others a superficial perception of how we really are, while sometimes we are breaking and falling apart on the inside. So many of us are walking journeys that are neither easy, nor ideal. The one thing I am certain of, is that none of us have it together all the time.

Two weeks ago I boarded a flight, and while our plane taxied, we went through the usual motion of in-flight safety instructions. I have to admit I am not always as attentive as I ought to be, but on this day I decided to sit back, and pay attention. Well I'm glad I did, because I heard something that has been said on every single flight I have ever taken, but it never struck me the way it did on that day.

"...In the event of an emergency, place your oxygen mask firmly over your nose and mouth...if you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask first, and then assist the other person".

Haiya! It dawned on me that in order for me to be able to assist another passenger in case of an emergency, I would have to take care of myself first. So I thought to myself: how many times do we get it twisted? Our hearts are in the right place in wanting to help others, but how can we possibly be effective when we are actually at the risk of a burn out? How can we give what we do not have? No wonder Christ said to love others as you love yourself; meaning you would be incapable of even knowing what it means to love another if you do not love yourself first. 

Somewhere in Nyali

I challenge you today to move out of the back burner. Stop trying to save the world; discover what your purpose is and pursue it. But as you do so, take a nap if you must. Go on holiday if you can. Switch off your phone. Get off Facebook for a day. Let someone watch the kids for a few hours. Cancel that date. Change your hair color. Do something that allows you to rest. Give yourself the permission to recharge. 

Beloved, just stop.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

What If...?

I recently had some beautiful box braids done, but time came to take them down. A friend of mine made a comment on how she does not allow any scissors near her hair when taking out braids, and I completely agree with her. I only trust myself to have the scissors when undoing my hair, because I take extra caution and ensure that I cut only the extensions while leaving my hair intact. I have to admit that once in a while I chop my own ends by mistake, but it's not such a big deal because it was my mistake, you know? I have had some not-so-good experiences in the past when I have allowed other people to undo my hair, and because they are sometimes in a rush, or a little absent-minded they end up chopping off my hair! Whoa!

This got me thinking about grace, and how we have so much of it for ourselves, but very little for other people. We sometimes pardon ourselves quickly but can hold grudges against people for years. Why? Why are the standards different when it comes to dealing with other people? You see, grace, whether directed towards ourselves or to others, is undeserved. Unmerited. Grace is powerful because it cannot be earned by our human strength.

Have you ever considered how selfish we sometimes are as believers? God found us in our mess, accepted us without condition, cleaned us up, rehabilitated us, and gave us a fresh start. But we struggle when we see other people come to God- People who we feel are ‘not so worthy’. It could be the twilight girl you have always seen on K-street, or the boy in your hood who has been a drug peddler, or 'mama nanii' who is known for practising witchcraft...however extreme the case may be, we feel that they are not deserving of forgiveness. Surely their slate cannot just be washed clean! Just like that? What about atonement? Can they at least prove that they have really really transformed before we accept them into the body of Christ? Can they at least put in some effort- work at earning their place among us?

We act as though the grace of God is here on a limited edition and is only available to a few of us, a few deserving people.

(Photography by Nesh Maina)

I was looking back, reflecting on my journey the other day and I was brought to a fresh awakening in the core of my being. I was reminded that had it not been for the grace of God that has picked me up time and time again, I would not be here. I thought of the times I was so stressed and depressed that I actually toyed with the idea of suicide (pick up your jaw). Or the times I wondered what it would feel like if I bought some strong liquor, locked myself in, and drowned my sorrows (don’t act like it's never crossed your mind). I have had some dark nights in my life; crushing blows that have driven me to my knees but God has been faithful. He has covered me with His grace and worked on my heart and my mind. He has spoken life, strength, and courage even in times when I wanted to hang my head low in humiliation. Jehovah has been the lifter of my head. It is his unfathomable will, and divine providence that has kept me.

Why would I not want someone else to experience His mercy and the grace of second, third, fourth chances? Why would I not want them to feel the power of redemption? Why do we downplay our mistakes and shortcomings but project those of other people, publicly humiliating and ridiculing them? What if we  stopped talking frivolously and become sensitive with our words?

What if we extended the hand that was extended to us? What if we embraced them and covered their shame? What if we told them that it is not over for them and that they can start over? What if we loved them enough to show them that the grace given to us is also available to them?

What if...?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Flowing In Our Purpose (by Winnie Thuku)

It has been a while since I blogged (with good reason), but now I am back. I have had the privilege of interacting with some amazing people in this journey called life, and recently I thought that it would be great for you to hear from some of the people I glean from. The first person I spoke to is Winnie Thuku. She is an author and blogger in her own right (Echoes Of My Heart). Winnie's life has served as a reminder to me that God works in the most powerful and mysterious of ways. This dear friend is also the one who first encouraged me to start blogging, and even went ahead to help me set up my page. I will forever be grateful to God for using her in that way. Winnie and her family recently re-located to Australia, and this blog post allows you to take a peek into her experience in a new land and what God has been teaching her. Journey with her, will you?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

"My family and I recently moved from Nairobi, Kenya to a small country town of Dorrigo in Australia. From a bustling city so vibrant and alive and sometimes chaotic, to a small, beautiful and very calm town with almost empty streets. The culture shock has been real– the food, weather, fashion, and even the language. Coming to my husband’s home country I expected some culture shock but I got more than I expected.

This was a new season for my family and I wanted to enter its gates with thanksgiving, and so I was ready and willing to embrace Dorrigo with all of me. However, the church culture completely broke me. Back home churches were full of worshipers but here I was in a mostly secular society with somewhat empty churches. I cried. I missed the Kenyan fellowship where people praised, worshiped and prayed like everything depended on it. I longed for fellowship– fiery fellowship. I felt alone in a far away land. Sometimes the pain in my heart would be so great that it translated to physical pain and the tears would keep falling as my heart ached for God.

Walking through the beautiful streets of Dorrigo I fell in love with this place that was now my home, even though I knew it was a spiritual desert. Amazingly, even in this mess, I felt how close God was, closer than I had ever felt Him in my life. Most times I would break down in tears, overwhelmed by the undeniable presence of God. Unlike my native home where God is mentioned in most conversations, I was now in a town where God is hardly part of the equation, unless of course it is a Sunday morning. Still in this wilderness, the presence of God was thick and heavy, I could almost touch it.

Several weeks down the line, God, through the writings of a seasoned worshipper, Steve Swanson, started to teach me about worship. I am not a musician, and so I seek more to understand the heart as opposed to the art of worship. I am completely wrecked by the beauty of God’s presence and I enjoy it because I was created for worship.

“…for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”

Revelation 4: 11

Sadly, I meet people who tend to think that worship is something that only a select few are called to do- the talented, the gifted, and the skilled. The truth however is far from this since worship is for everyone. I do not know what it is that you are talented or skilled in, but the one thing I am sure you were created for, is worship. 

Dorrigo is a mountainous town which is home to an extensive rainforest, with many hills that seem to reach heaven. So imagine me, walking in the lonely streets of Dorrigo, with teary eyes overwhelmed by the presence of God! This is it. This is me joining nature’s choir! I may not have been in Kenya having a fiery worship session, but neither was I alone. I did not have the pleasure of a band or a choir with me, but I could still join in the eternal chorus of heaven, to effortlessly flow in my purpose and join them in worship!

In other words, I did not have to labour to create an atmosphere of worship since worship is not something that any man can initiate. No matter how talented or anointed, there is no man on the face of the earth who can start worship because worship is something that has been going on in heaven, and all we do when we come before God is simply join in with the rest of His creation. 

This blog post is not about me; it is an effort to encourage us all to desire to flow in our purpose– worship. Worship is not about a big stage, fancy lights, or making a crowd have goose bumps. Whether you can sing or not, whether you can talk or not. You are a worshipper whether you know it or not, created to exist and function in God’s presence. It is already in your spiritual DNA; Something that we ought to do effortlessly, yet many times we struggle so hard to worship instead of just flowing with and in The Spirit.

Our worship must be one that is separated from the world, one that is not based on false doctrines and hypocrisy. It must be a worship that is pure and holy, full of faith, and based on the living Word of God. True and spiritual worship is one that is offered by hearts that have been sanctified, hearts that have paid the price of waiting upon God; hearts that can connect in the spirit to the heavenly realm, enabling them to join in the very song that the heavenly hosts sing to the Lord.

This is the divine worship that accesses the heart of God and causes the heavens to open upon God’s people for a greater outpouring of His Spirit. It brings sanctification and transformation in the lives of people.

This is the kind of worship that prepares the way of the Lord, and ushers in revival in the church, in our homes, in our cities and in our nations, when His manifest glory has been released to us. 

My heart’s cry is that you my friend will be among those worshipers that the Lord is seeking; worshipers who will arise and join in the eternal chorus of heaven, because creation is eagerly waiting for the manifestation, the revealing of the sons and daughters of God, and you are one of them".  

Winnie Thuku-Craig

He's Got You!

I recently found myself in a seemingly impossible situation, caught between a rock and a hard place. The task ahead of me was so overwhelming standing in the face of the limited resources I had at the time. My head and heart felt so heavy because I had exhausted all possible options. I was completely and utterly stuck. So I went to my favorite 'spot' and talked to God. I remember telling Him that I  so desperately needed a solution, and it would have to be a miracle because my human mind could not come up with any.

Soon after I made that prayer, an overwhelming peace came over me. Everyday God allows me to experience a fresh revelation of what it means to have peace that passes all understanding. It is the ability to stand still, and calm when all around you is like quick sand.  It can be likened to being in the eye of a storm; the point at which a hurricane rotates. It's usually extremely chaotic all around, but there’s least pressure at the center of it. This is the kind of peace God gives when you are overwhelmed by the pressures of life.

Back to my story... 

I went home and decided that I would not continue to over-process that which I had no control over. As a matter of fact, I knew that since I had committed it to God, He would show me what to do in due time. What I did not anticipate was that God would answer my prayer before the end of that day. I got one phone call that changed everything around! One! Not two...just one. That’s the God I serve. He hears and answers me, and each time He does so in ways that blow my mind.

You see, sometimes our human frailty and limitations make us think that God is a reflection of us. Which means that when we are stuck, he is stuck too. When we are overwhelmed, we think he is overwhelmed too. When we are frazzled we think heaven is in a frenzy. But that could not be further from the truth. Gods’ nature is constant, and consistent. He is who He says He is. El-shaddai, God almighty. Jehovah Rapha, God who heals. Jehovah Jireh (we all know this one)- God our provider. El-Roi, the God who saw me in my distress.  He is not a fair-weather God whose nature is based on fleeting feelings. He is God of all times and seasons- keen on keeping his promises to His children, and He hasn’t broken one yet.

So this was a profound lesson and reminder for me, not to be anxious about anything because I am a child of the Most High God. Which means that my business is already handled. Everything that concerns me is taken care of. 

Don’t you ever wonder about the little things that happen as you go through life? When you have no money to buy food and someone drops by your house with a bag of groceries? When you are downcast and a song plays on radio that speaks directly to your situation? How about sitting in Church and thinking the preacher must have inside information on your life because they seem to be speaking directly at you? Or when you feel so lonely and a little child comes to hug you? 

Photography by Emmanuel Jambo

Did you think for a moment that it happened by chance? Beloved, that was a whisper from heaven. Your Father wanted you to know that He is still watching over you, meeting your every need.

Sometimes it takes faith and waiting on God to experience his blessings, and hard as it may be to understand, the strain pulls us closer to our source of life. As you go through your day, remember that God’s got you. As you lay down to sleep, remember that He watches over you. As you go about your business please remember that the things that matter to you (even the little ones), matter to Him too.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Dear God,

It seems that every time I try to do things that are outside your will for me, I end up falling flat on my face- Hurt. Broken. Busted. Disgusted. Wasted. Tired. It would also seem, that I never learn...sometimes I do actually, but only after making the same mistakes over and over again. 

It’s so ironical how I can go through pain, and then once the breakthrough comes, I forget all the drama, like it was never there! I forget that had I made different choices, I would not have walked that regrettable path in the first place. And yet here I am...again...in need of you. Healer...Mender...Redeemer. 

Photography by Emmanuel Jambo 

God you said that I should come boldly before your throne of grace that I may obtain mercy. So here I am, asking you to smooth out my rough ages. Praying that you will breathe new life into me. In the same way that you called Lazarus up from the grave, I ask that you call out the areas in my life that are in need of your resurrection. I pray that you restore my joy, and my peace.

In the toughest of times I will praise you, knowing that you are not only interested in what you have called me to do, but also in who I am becoming. My journey matters to you because the bends on the winding road all work together to point back to you- the way, the truth, and the life.

And finally God, I realize that I am not the only one who may be downcast, discouraged and feeling defeated. So I pray that as you do your work in me may you also extend your grace to anyone reading this. Make them fruitful in their affliction. Let them sense that you are moving even when they do not feel you. Give them the courage and humility to cry out for help when they lose their way.

At this moment, even though it may seem that my hope is intricately intertwined with despair, I know that you, Yahweh, are with me...walking beside me...singing songs of deliverance over me. 

In the strangest and stillest of nights you are right here with me.

Amen.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

You Must Win

When the year began, I shared with you that I was choosing to stay hopeful in spite of all that had happened in my life. As I wrote, I never knew that in less than a week I would be laying my little niece to rest. It was a devastating experience for my family and definitely not the way to start a new year. But you know, we are still staying hopeful. My prayer has been that God will not allow our hope to be cut off. You see, sometimes life can deal you blow after blow, after blow... but our victory in God is guaranteed. It is like a match that has been fixed- however many punches the enemy throws, we are guaranteed to win. 

Rachel Johnston Photography

A little while ago someone read through my blog and decided to write me a lengthy message whose summary was: Stop believing in God.  Ordinarily my first instinct would have been anger, and self-defense. I would have retaliated in an equally lengthy manner...but instead my heart broke for him, because you see, the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are lost and are perishing. I cling on to God despite everything I may have lost because I when I look back I see that what I have gained is so much more... I also know that these trials, the testing of my faith is only for a moment. 

I am not besotted, drunk on false hope and clinging to a nonexistent possibility.  This is not a monumental effort; this is as real as it gets.

For anyone who is reading this and feeling that they have been standing in the rain too long, hear me say: it will subside. The best thing about winter, is that spring is coming. The best thing about darkness is that the dawn awaits. The best thing about mourning is that joy is guaranteed.  God is about to turn things around for you...do you perceive it?

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Hello Wairimu!

A few days ago I bumped into someone I have known most of my life. We were never the best of friends, but have always been cordial with one another. I smiled when I saw her, but instead of getting a smile in return, she threw her sun glasses on, flipped her hair, and looked the other way. I thought to myself, surely, she did not just ignore me! Lol. I figured there was only one way to find out. Loudly, I called out her name, ‘hello Wairimu’! (not her real name). She quickly mumbled a greeting under her breath without making eye contact and briskly walked past me. Imagine my confusion...! I stood there a few seconds, stunned, trying to process what had just happened. I will admit, I was partly amused at how much effort she had put into ignoring me, but the other part of me was, yes, a little hurt and a little insulted. If her intention had been to hurt me, then *insert applause*, she succeeded.

Have you ever been in that situation, where you run up to someone to say hello and they ignore you, or you wave at them and they do not wave back? Then you awkwardly put your hand back down and look around hoping no one saw you? I am sure you know how humiliating that can be.

How about when you get a new job or join a new school and find someone you already knew. Your first instict is relief because this person can show you the ropes and you will not have to stick out like a sore thumb- but then the person acts as though you have never met before, infact...what was your name again...?

My little bizarre experience the other day made me think of one who knows my name and regardless of how many times I fall out, he never denies me as his own. I thought of Him, who wakes me up in the morning, showers me with love throughout the day, and then watches over me as I sleep. I thought of how nothing I do could ever make me earn or loose his love. It is unmerited and unconditional. I actually thought of how many times as a young believer I tried to give my friends a different impression of our relationship- That He and I were really not thaaaat close, because I wanted so desperately to fit in, and at whatever cost. It made me wonder how much it broke his heart, to have the one you love deny you.

Photography by Mwaniki Will

Have I been the one to throw on my sunglasses and look the other way when He tried to reach out to me? When he told me to call sister so-and-so, or buy food for that mama sitting by the roadside...each time I have rolled up my window, each time I have ignored the prompting to encourage somebody, when I have shut my eyes instead of sparing a few minutes to thank Him for the day...every single time that I have opted to pick up a novel instead of opening my Bible to hear from Him, have I not been just like Wairimu*?

It breaks the heart of God when He constantly reaches out to us and we abuse his love by rejecting it.  When he helps us clean up our messes and we give everybody the glory, but Him. How many times do we celebrate our BFF’s, our mothers, our pastors, but never Him? Never God? Our source of life and everything? Sure we have the lingo right, ‘I want to thank God for...’ but are we truly thankful? Because if we are, it would be more than lip service offered to him. It would be evident in the way we live our lives.

I am really grateful that I bumped into Wairimu* the other day and more so that she ignored me. Had I not had a refresher on being ignored (lol), I may not have taken time to reevaluate my relationship with God. As we continue on with this season of lent and prepare to celebrate Easter, may Christ be truly found in our hearts, holding the place of authority and reverence that He rightfully deserves.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

HOPE...FUL

Let me start by saying, Happy new year- not in a cliché kind of way, but truly wishing you a year full of joy and happiness. Some of you have written me asking what happened to the African girls’ reflections last month, and I must admit I was hoping no one would notice the inconsistency on that one. Haha. 

Well truth be told, I made a feeble attempt at writing and was somewhat not in the right head and heart space. You see, I made a promise to God and myself that I would always write from a genuine place, and never out of routine, or expectations set before me.  

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, followed closely by Easter.  I love everything about it; from the music, to the trees and lights...I loved the snow when I lived in Canada...the sales and great discounts...there is something very magical about it. But more importantly is what Christmas signifies for all believers. Though it is debatable what day Jesus was born, we get to celebrate his birth during this season...a little babe born in a manger, who later on became our redeemer and cornerstone of our faith.

But this year Christmas was different for me. I felt an overwhelming sadness. On Christmas morning I remember helping out with preparations for the day, and in the process had a serious meltdown.  It had been a culmination of many things I was feeling gearing up to that day. My father loved Christmas. He always had something special planned, and even after we had long moved out of his nest he made sure to remind us how important and significant that day was. I knew without fail that he would call me on Christmas day and with his loud booming voice, say, “Merry Christmas Kasuni”! I felt as though Christmas day 2014 was a reminder of what I lost last year.  And because it was too cheery a season, I thought not to dampen your moods, but instead hold out and get to talk to you in the new year, so here I am :)

Incidentally on the same day, a friend of mine shared with me a post written by G. Cordinton, and I am convinced that those words were meant for me. (OK and perhaps  you as well).  Allow me to share an excerpt from what he wrote. “...We experience pain because we miss the vibrancy of the person who is not there, and what we feel is another emotion that honors their life...Christmas is not a fake, superficial happiness. It knows deep sorrow. It understands grief and separation. It endures pain. It reminds us that our Savior not only came to save, but He also came to share our human experience and show us there IS hope”.

Oh what peace I found from reading those words! My Savior, the one that I was trying so hard to celebrate and put on a brave face for, understands my sorrow and in him I find rest for my soul, and hope for tomorrow.  There is no guarantee that Christmas will not always remind me of dad...I just hope that when it does, I will also be reminded that in Christ my eternal hope is found.

Photography by Paul (Emms studio)
MakeUp by Njanja

When the year 2014 began I was very excited. I remember sitting by the window watching snowfall, somewhere in Maryland. I was hopeful about the year ahead. I wrote down my resolutions and recommitted my heart to God.  But I did not have the slightest premonition of the tornado that was about to hit my family. I did not lose my faith in God, but I admittedly felt a great sense of loss and disappointment. 

When this year, 2015 began, I felt very indifferent about many things. I thought to myself that if I did not have any expectations then I would not be disappointed by anything that went wrong. But over the last few days God has been dealing with my heart (even though I did not ask Him to) LOL. He chastens whom He loves.  Beloved, I know now without a doubt that God uses our deepest pain, fear, and disappointments as a launching pad for our greatest calling.

I have spent a lot of time by myself lately, not because I am lonely, but because I know God needed me to be at a place of quiet in order to hear what he wants me to do. I still do not have a list of resolutions- I will work on those and maybe share some with you as the year unfolds. But I have great expectations. The Word of God says that hope does not disappoint. It does not put us to shame. Therefore I will not live in fear of failure or loss. I choose to put my trust in the God of all hope.

I know this has been a long one, and thank you for staying with me to the end.  As I finish, allow me to say this. That we find healing for our hearts when we give of ourselves to others. Some of you reading this may be able to relate to my pain in one way or the other, but hear me say this: do not allow yourself to get absorbed in your pain. Look around you...there is always someone in need of love...a hug...a smile...a hundred bob...food...a listening ear...a shoulder to lean on...love on others, and before you know it, you will begin to find healing in your broken places.

I pray that you have a most amazing year ahead. May you thrive and excel in whatever you set out to do! I will be here, writing you, cheering you on and praying for you. Beloved, you are blessed. Exceedingly and abundantly so!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

P/S: I’ll be changing things up a little on my blog this year. You need to look out for that ;-) #MwakaMpya na #MamboMapya!