It Will Set You Free!

The other day I was having a very raw and honest conversation with one of my sisters. I was telling her how I have come to realize that I hold a very high expectation of people in my life, almost as though people 'owe' me. I imagine that since I have been there for them, then they should be there for me. Or since I have invested in a friendship, then it ought to last for ever. But the harsh reality that has finally dawned on me is that I am entitled to nothing.

If you're anything like me then you have found yourself one too many times struggling to hold onto friendships that have run their course, and all that's left is a lot of awkward moments and scanty conversations. And the more you try to make the relationship work, the more vulnerable you become...the more hurt you get. It is very taxing to be at a place that you do not belong.

Some of you reading this are in relationships that you well know are not right for you. Holding onto a man or woman who does not see your value, and in order to validate your self worth, you sell yourself short by pleading and begging them to stay with you, while make all sorts of excuses as to why you’re still holding on...

But this is not just about relationships you see, it could be a job that you're struggling to maintain knowing that your time to move is long overdue. The signs are written on the wall, clear for all to see- so what are you afraid of?

Do you remember the story of Naomi and Ruth? Do you also remember the third woman we do not talk too much about? Orpah? She was Naomi's daughter-in-love, (just like Ruth was). She loved and served Naomi faithfully (just like Ruth did). But when time came for Naomi to go back to Bethlehem from Moab, things changed. Orpah chose to stay behind in Moab while Ruth decided to go wherever Naomi would go. I believe that Orpah was a good woman, and her intentions were good, but she did not have the heart, the courage, nor the love to follow Naomi into the 'unknown'. Her season in Naomi's life was over.

Photography by Mwaniki Will

How many of us recognize when a season is over and yet want to extend it because we are in denial? Beloved, can't you see? Your destiny often requires a working and reworking that will more often than not be uncomfortable and far from easy. But painful as it may be, you must accept the gift of goodbye. And when all is said and done you will find yourself lighter, happier, and free, almost like a load has been taken off of you.

As we walk into a new month, find the courage to walk away from things that have run their course in your life. Scary as it may be, it will be well worth your while. I can promise you that.  Say goodbye to the seasons that have ended and a big hello to new friendships, a new career, new and endless possibilities. There is a blessing in your goodbye!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

What can I say...

Well, what CAN I Say? It has been quite the month, a true roller-coaster of sorts on my end. Some days have been harder than others. There are days when I have struggled to wake up in the morning, and other days I have found the courage and strength to laugh, sing, and do the things that I truly love. 

My heart is broken, I miss my dad. I think of him every  day… I long to hear his laughter or hold his hand, just one more time, but God. My faith is in Him. My trust is in Him. My hope and expectation is in Him. I will not waiver nor falter. 

I make no apology for my journey; this is me sharing my truth, because we cannot testify of healing when we never admitted our brokenness in the first place. 

To anyone reading this, that happens to be going through a hard time- whether the loss of a loved one, or the devastating diagnosis of a terminal illness, or perhaps the loss of a job…whatever your  ‘storm’ may be- take heart. God is the God of ALL comfort. He will carry you. He will heal you, and He will restore you. I am always reminded of this, that God becomes to you all that you desire for Him to be. You may feel like you are taking one step forward, and then two steps backward, but God is still working. Trust Him. He will carry you through. 

This might be the shortest blog post I have written yet, but you know what they say about good things and small packages ;-) 

Beloved, keep the faith…have a blessed new month ahead. 

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M

My heart, my world...

On the 9^th of April 2014 heaven gained a most amazing angel- my daddy. There is so much I want to say but the pain in my heart is like none other I have experienced before. But this blog post is not about the pain, the tears, or even the void that my dad left, but more so the life lessons I learned from a most peculiar man.

The months leading up to his home going were difficult in many ways, but it is during that time that I gained invaluable strength that I would otherwise have never attained. 

I thank God that He accorded dad the opportunity to bid us a proper farewell, and gave us in turn a chance to let him know how much we loved and valued him. Some days were harder than others, and my strength waned more often that I would like to admit. But each day God poured his grace afresh. I have come to know that grace is not the absence of the struggle, but rather the presence of God’s protection in the struggle. God protected us, and he protected my precious father until the day He called him home. 

Together with my family and friends we prayed and trusted God to heal my dad, and we held on to the hope that since God had graciously healed him in the past, He could do it again. One day as I was walking through the corridors of the hospital that had quickly become a second home, I bumped into a lady who had brought her ailing mom for treatment; she was terminally ill. The lady recognized me and we began to talk. She told me that she was trusting in God to heal her mother, knowing fully well that God can heal physically or permanently by taking her mother home. Up until then I had wrestled with the possibility of God taking dad home. But that day my prayer changed.  I made my peace with God. I continued to trust for physical healing without relenting, but I found comfort in knowing that if dad went home to be with God, that was healing too. Today I can boldly proclaim that my daddy is healed…forever healed!

I honor my mother- a true woman of God. She never wavered in her faith. She held on to the Word of God and encouraged us to do the same up until the end. We prayed over daddy, spoke the Word of God over him, and sang songs for him…what a privilege. 

I am also so grateful for invaluable friends, who have continued to walk this painfully unfamiliar path with us. The journey has been a lot more easier that it would otherwise have been had we walked alone. Life is for the living; invest in people…in friendships…in relationships. Our precious friends have been the hands of God, holding us close, crying with us, wiping our tears, laughing with us, telling us not to give up- to continue trusting in the Miracle-working Jehovah, and finally sharing in the sadness that we felt at saying 'kwaheri' to daddy.

A few days after dad left I was talking to a lady I dearly love- I told her how each morning I wake up with fresh pain and a whole new fountain of tears. Then she reminded me that God’s mercies are also new every morning. What profound truth. For every broken place there is new mercy…new grace, and a whole new dose of God’s healing balm that flows into the bleeding places of my life.

I write this blog to honor daddy who has officially joined the cloud of witnesses. Watching over us from the other side of heaven…cheering us on!  I celebrate my dad for being a selfless man who fought for us, defended our honor, and left behind a great legacy. I will carry him  in my heart always…I will someday tell my children about him…of what a great man he was, and how bravely and courageously he lived his life even when the odds were against him. I am inspired by how he lived, what he stood for, and how bravely he finished his race.  I miss him more than I can fully articulate, but God knows...He knows.

Thank you God that you accorded me the privilege of being daddy’s girl. Thank you that for all those who have never experienced the love of an earthly Father, they have you…I have you.  Thank you that I can sleep, and awake because you sustain me by your infinite might. God you are so great, greater than the pain in my heart, greater than I can ever conceive you to be. Thank you that even as I come to you broken, your love for me remains the same, never distorted.  In you God I find comfort. In you I find healing. In you I find hope. Though the tears fall, I have you. My heart…my world. 

Koma nesa daddy...lala salama...you are home now...kwa Yesu ndiko nyumbani. Until we meet again, dance with the angels, teach them all your fun, cheesy songs...your laughter will always ring in my ears. I will carry you in my heart always...

Your girl,

Kambua M.

My dad is top on my Roll of Honor. He joins my aunt Kanene whom we said goodbye to last year, my cousin Beauty, my friend David Yallo, my brother in the faith Kaberere, our sister Angela Chibalonza, and many others who have gone before. 

Who is on your roll of honor? 

Go on and share them here…let’s celebrate them as they continue to cheer us on, 

and bear witness to the lives we continue to live.