The Sound of Pouring Rain

This month marks the end of another  year, and if you’re anything like me you’ve had your fair share of disappointment and also miracles that may seem few and far between. But it’s those tiny winy miracles that have kept me pressing on. I’ve hoped for many things- I’ve prayed, trusted, and waited patiently on God for them to become a reality. Some of them have come to pass, but others I believe, are still in the making, waiting for God’s appointed time.

A few days ago a friend reminded me of the story of Elijah…there had been famine and drought in the land of Samaria. But the prophet Elijah proclaimed that he had heard “the sound of an abundance of rain”.  He sent his servant out to the sea, and six times the servant came back and said “I see nothing”.  The prophet kept sending him back, until on the seventh time he came with a different report.  He said he saw a little cloud, the size of a man’s hand. Elijah then quickly sent him on his way to avoid being overtaken by the rain.

Now this here sounds a little ridiculous. First of all the land had not seen a drop of rain for over three years. My guess is that they had even stopped hoping for it to pour. They no longer checked the clouds to see if they were gathering. The people had found alternate ways to cope; some had probably moved on to other regions in order to survive. Then along comes this prophet who declared that it would rain? And not just rain, but a heavy down pour! Amazingly as the story goes, the heavens darkened as the clouds gathered, and there was great rain in the land.

As I continue to reflect on the year that has been I think of the many ‘almost victories’ that I had. Countless opportunities that seemed like they would be my big break on things I’ve prayed about and just when it looked like everything was in place, it all fell through. I also recall the countless times I have cried before the Lord; I have prayed, and fasted, named, and claimed things and believed in faith that I would receive them. And then waited day after day, month after month, and now another year and still not where I wanted to be. So when my friend reminded me about Elijah I felt a little like the children of Samaria. Fatigued, doubtful, and yes, a little if not very skeptical. But truth be told, over the years I’ve seen glimpses of what amazing things God can do if I let Him do it His way and in His time.

I’m writing this unafraid of exposing my own insecurities, failures, and vulnerabilities  for the sake of anyone who is at the end of their line; those of you who are so weary of walking in the wilderness, barely surviving with only enough for the moment. I write this for those who are in despair and have stopped hoping for change; for a miracle. I want to tell you that there is the sound of an abundance of rain. Go on out in faith and look at the clouds…they are gathering. Do you perceive it? No? Not yet? Go out again…do you see it now? It’s small…the size of a fist. But it’s there. It’s your miracle. It’s a sign that God has not forgotten you. Dig your trenches, and prepare for the rain. Your mind may not believe it, but I sure hope your spirit does. May God give you the courage to dream again; dare to believe everything God has put in your spirit to believe. Your answer, your dream, your healing, your peace, your joy, your desire- it’s all on its way. There is power in waiting- not anxiously, but expectantly. And just like Elijah, don’t waver in your faith when there seems to be a delay. If God said it, beloved it’s only a matter of time. 

As we cross over to a new year, may your spirit rise to a new level. May you find the courage to face the year 2013 fearlessly. I believe that it’s going to be a great year, but I also believe that it will take total obedience and trust in God. Remember that He is not a man that He should lie; whatever He says, He does. Don’t short-circuit or sabotage your destiny by allowing fear and doubt to make a home in your heart.

May the Lord cover your shame. May He put a new song in your mouth, and a new spring to your step. May every promise that’s waiting fulfillment in your life come to pass. May God do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that you could ever ask or think! May you be soaked and saturated by the abundant rain of the Lord.

Happy New Year!!

Kambua M.

She Will Never Know...

A friend of mine recently told me a fascinating story about his childhood crush. He met ‘her’ when they were both teenagers. But more than just her beauty and radiance was the fact that she’d grown up on the opposite side of town. You see, he had moved to the city to earn a living, and was the true definition of a hustler. In Nairobi lingo, he would have been called a' sufferer'. Lol. He was so badly off, that he often had to rely on his friends to lend him clothes. He had nothing but big dreams, and lots and lots of love for the girl. It would probably be an assumption to say that the girl had grown up with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she was fortunate enough to have had most, if not all her needs met. Nonetheless, my friend gathered his courage and asked her out on a date. Surprisingly, she said YES. I think more out of intrigue and curiosity than anything else.  He was excited! This was his chance to tell the girl how he felt about her, and maybe just maybe, it would be the genesis of something beautiful.

On the day they were set to meet, the girl as was her custom, made it on time and patiently waited for him (my friend) to come.  After about thirty minutes of sitting by herself she decided to call him to make sure everything was ok. He was very quick to tell her that ‘YES’ all was well, in fact he was almost there. An hour and a half later, he was still a no-show, and the girl slowly started to lose her patience. Four phone calls and three hours later, believe it or not, my friend STILL had not arrived. When she made what she decided was the final call, she got the same answer she’d gotten an hour earlier- “I’m just round the corner. I’ll be there in less than five minutes”. In a mixture of anger, frustration, and despair, she grabbed her purse and made her way back home, never to look back.  So much for that!

Years later, my friend is no longer ‘struggling’  he is thriving…life turned out to be much better than he ever anticipated. His hard work paid off. And the girl? Life went on for her too. In fact, he probably became a vague memory in the archives of her life, after that disastrous, or should I say non-existent date. Well, this is not a fairytale…they did not end up together and then ride off into the sunset. No. She moved on, never having known why a boy who had worked so hard to ask her out on a date stood her up. She went on with her life…no answers…

So it was at this point that in disbelief I asked my friend WHY on earth he would do such a thing! I wanted to even suggest that maybe his unacceptable behavior explained why he was still single... So then he paused and very quietly said to me, “I had no money to take her out.  My friend had said he would lend me some money but he didn’t come through. How could I have told her that I had no money for the date I had wanted for so long”? He explained how he kept buying time hoping another one of his friends would  come through for him, but they didn’t. My judgmental thoughts were quickly arrested on their tracks…thank God I hadn’t voiced them. My heart went out  to my friend…he was too young to know that everyone has at one time been at a place where what they wanted to do was just a little bit out of reach, but that didn’t make them any less of a person. He was too young to know that maybe if he’d just been honest with her she would chosen to take a walk with him instead…maybe, just maybe the sincerity of his heart would have been the one thing that would have made her fall in love with him.  But because he was afraid…she will never know. And…what shoulda coulda woulda been, will never be. His love for her...his plans for the two of them...she will never know.

I went home deep in thought, replaying my friends’ almost fairytale over and over in my mind. I realized that I have walked in his shoes not once, not twice, but many, many, times. I’ve been at a place of insecurity, feeling insignificant, not having enough to offer- not to a boy, but to Him; the one who captured my heart, My redeemer.  I’ve known over time that in Him I can expose my nakedness, my anxieties, without fear of criticism and judgment. I’ve known oh too well, that even when I feel inadequate, having nothing to offer  He is still there, waiting patiently for me to declare my love and devotion to Him. He waits to renew my strength. He waits for me to invite Him to do life with me…to walk with me through fire, the storms, the dark valleys…the mountaintops.  I know that He knows everything about me and yet I still find myself being a no-show time and time again.

So today I’m getting myself together and just as I am, I will go and meet Him. I want to spend time with the one who has been waiting for me.  I want Him to know that I need Him; that I can’t walk this life alone. He who loves me with an everlasting love- I want Him to know that He is the best friend I could ever have. I want Him to know…

Kambua M.

He Remembers You

I have always loved the sound of falling rain, and especially when it falls and finds me cozily tucked away in my house, either by a fire or with a hot cup of coffee. It is on rainy rights that I especially sleep very soundly. There’s a comfort that comes with the sound of falling rain. But I also remember nights spent at my grandparent’s place- whenever it rained at night, the sound would be deafening, because it was falling on iron sheets, ‘mabati’ if you like. Sometimes I’d try and cover my head with the blanket in an attempt to muffle the noise, with little success of course. The rain would pound mercilessly and relentlessly on the roof, for hours on end. It was almost impossible to even have a conversation unless you had the energy to literally yell over the cluttering sound of loose rooftop sheets.

Life can sometimes seem like that…when you feel as though it’s rained for hours on end. The sound of your frustration is so loud, and clearly mirrored by those around you. You wish you had control over the events that keep unfolding. You wait, and pray, and hope for a miracle, a breather; but it doesn’t come. At least not as fast as you wished it could.  There are times when the enemy comes in like the flood that the prophet Isaiah liked him to. Everything that could possibly go wrong inevitably goes wrong. And when you think that it couldn’t get any worse, guess what? It does. The enemy will come at you in every way possible, to attack your mind, your marriage, your ministry; everything that is born of God in your life. But Isaiah goes on to say that the Spirit of God will lift up a standard, a shield against Him. The Lord allowed Satan to test Job, but He also put limitations on how far the devil could go. The same has He done for you; He will allow you to be tested, but there is a demarcation. When you feel you're at a breaking point and can't handle any more pressure, the Spirit of the Lord lifts up the wall of the blood of Jesus and tells Satan, 'This far and no further'!

Beloved, there is a wall of protection around you; against any wiles of the enemy, those that you see and those that you’re not even aware of- the Lord protects you against them all. There is also a time of deliverance for you. In the same way that the rain pours hard, but eventually ceases, so is there a time of rest for you. It may have taken many stormy, dark, lonely, frustrating days for Noah in the ark, but the Word says that ‘God remembered Noah…’ This is not to mean that God had abandoned him when he was in the flood, it simply means that God kept His promise to Noah.  Many times we feel forgotten by God because of how battered by the storms of life we are. It seems as though we’ve been sailing out at sea with no navigator, no friend, and no God. He seems distant, and quiet. But God, who has faithfully carried me through dark nights and high waters want me to let you know that He hasn’t forgotten you. Your time of deliverance is at hand.  God remembers you, and He desires for you to remember Him, and all He’s carried you through. In your dark times, in your lonely times, and in your moments of defeat- remember God.  The flood-waters of your life may be a long ways from subsiding, but God remembers you. Just because it looks as though He’s not working does not mean He isn’t. His ways are not our ways. He works in ways that only He can.

As you wait for the rain to stop, allow Him to keep you in the eye of the storm; that place of quiet and rest right in the middle of chaos. He will give you sustaining grace to weather any situation. When your resources are depleted and you feel that all hope is lost, God has provided a refuge that's higher than your circumstances; a place where you live under His divine protection.

You are not alone, God promises to never leave you nor forsake you…He remembers you.

Kambua M.

Pour It Out

She slipped into the room, and began to walk, with her face to the ground. She couldn’t help but notice that her presence had brought everything to a standstill. She could feel all the eyes piercing through her as she walked- the people needed not say a word. She knew exactly what was on their minds; she knew it all too well. She felt unwanted, judged, boy it would have been so much easier if one of them hurled an object at her, inflicting pain. Physical pain would have been easier to deal with than this kind…the kind that eats you up like cancer, from the inside out. She’d known exactly where He would be seated. She’d heard so much about Him, this one who just might be able to lift the shame away from her. In haste she scurried across the room. She was determined to get to Him before anyone tried to get in her way. She blocked her ears to the whispers…the voices that tried best as they could to hold her back; The voices that reminded her of a past she much preferred to forget. Oh that the memories could be blotted away. Still, she pressed on, her face masked in bravery she didn’t quite have. Maybe, just maybe the tears that were welling up in her eyes could stay put long enough for her to get to Him.

Suddenly she had an overwhelming feeling of regret, a reminder that she could not rewrite her history; she could not undo the mistakes, she could never even if she tried, recover the time she had lost. Perhaps going to Him was not worth it after all. If only He had the slightest hint of where she’d been…what she’d done, He wouldn’t waste His time on her. So she stopped. And for the first time since she walked into that room, looked up and stared the people square in their faces. And just as she had guessed, there was no mercy for her, not here. Except Him…His eyes…there was something different there. She could have sworn there was a glistening of His eyes, what seemed to be…tears? And something more…something she couldn’t quite wrap her mind around...that dispelled the fear and doubt she’d felt just a moment ago.  Something about the look on His face told her that He was well aware of her deepest, darkest issues; and yet He still sat there waiting for her. That’s when she knew, that she could not turn back. She had to keep walking. It didn’t matter what anyone said to her, or what they thought of her- she’d thought worse things of herself anyway. But here was a man who seemed to see past her mess and still want her. He wanted her! He was waiting for her!

In that moment it was as though every other person had faded away, and became a blur; only she and the master remained. With renewed strength that seemed to well up from deep inside her, she made that final step, and fell on her knees, at His feet. The tears that she had bottled up for years came pouring down, and she used them to wash his feet. And with each kiss she planted on Him, came the release she had never imagined she would find. The more she poured out her pain to him, the more her spirit lifted, like a bird that had been caged. With each touch she found healing like soft rain falling on a tin roof. She was so overwhelmed by what was happening that she never even realized when she reached into her purse and pulled out her most precious oil and began to pour it on his feet. She had saved up a tone to buy this perfume, she’d used it sparingly on whoever cared to share a moment with her, but here she was, mindlessly pouring it on His feet, and He didn’t’ even seem to care that there was a mixture of oil and tears running down His  feet. She knew that she had to give Him all she had, because with each passing moment she found healing for her soul.

Many of us have walked a mile in her shoes. I know I have. I’ve been at a place where I was so filled with regret over things I’d done that I never knew whether there would be mercy for me. But some of us have secret battles; we try to act calm while we know that our spirit is at war in and of itself. We harbor deep, dark, secrets. We carry around so much pain, and life has slowly been drained out of us; we may as well be the walking dead. But Mary found courage to let her past be just that- the past. She found strength by looking to the Master. In Him she saw the truth; that He loved her just as she was. His love for her, for you, for me, caused Him to lay down His own life as a ransom. He waits for you to bring Him your broken heart, your messed up life…He can fix it. He wants to make it better. Every answer that you seek is in Him. All else is temporary, and fleeting, like the wind. But His love for you is sure, and it’s constant; It is not determined by how you feel, or even what you’ve done.

He wants to breathe life into you, just like He did to Mary. He wants you to pour out your pain, and all that you have held dear, so that He may heal you. But you must pour it out. A wise man once said that covered wounds don’t heal well. Unless you open it up for the Master, you cannot find healing. Don’t be distracted and dissuaded by nay sayers; press on for your miracle. The critics have nothing new to say, but the Master does: He says He loves you with an everlasting love. He says that He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. He says that He can pick you up from the mud and set your feet on a rock. But you must pour it out…everything that has held you back…pour it out.

Kambua M.

He Will Surely Come!

I learned this saying a couple of years back- it is darkest before dawn. I never quite understood the meaning of it then. Recently I walked through the night. It was pitch black and I groped around in the dark, with my arms outstretched hoping to touch something that would give me a hint of where I was. I stumbled a few times, but somehow managed to keep moving. I listened out for a familiar voice, but in the still of the night, you could hear a pin drop. I felt hot tears well up in my eyes and trickled down my face, making it even harder for me to ‘see’. I was all alone, lost, and very afraid. Fear gripped my heart- I could not stop thinking that the worst was about to happen to me. I just needed safety, a place of refuge, a way out of this place. But the more I walked the deeper I plunged into darkness. My strength was running out, and my muscles ached from the tension.

In this dark place I thought of every way possible to get out…I then started to hear a voice, though not the one I had hoped for. You see, the devil is the father of lies. He makes you think that a temporary situation is permanent.  “Misunderstood…undervalued…alone…insignificant…” these are the lies he whispered over, and over, and over again. I started to run, thanking my heart for beating so loudly, and somewhat drowning out the voice that could not stop tormenting me!

Finally I stopped, sweaty and with no strength left in my frail body. I realized that I was making no progress, and in frustration fell to the ground. There in the dark, I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up with my heart racing…looked around, trying to figure out where I was…squinting…because there was light breaking into the darkness. Light! Light! Finally…Oh the joy!

Ironical as this may sound, I see priceless value in my struggles, and my mistakes; my scars, have made me who I am, by bringing authenticity to my life.  I see that they have caused my faith in God to grow in ways that it would otherwise never have. I’ve had some dark nights in my life, and just when I got ready to give up, God allowed His rays of life to streak in and shine on my darkness. I have learned that the Word of God is true, and the most powerful, lethal weapon I could ever have. I speak His word, I sing His word, I meditate on His word, and many times I SHOUT His word in tears and frustration.

God is faithful; He is not a man that He should lie. He will never give me more than I can handle. He has promised to cover me with His wings and keep me safe. He has promised to never leave nor forsake me. He has promised that when I go through the fire it will not burn me; when I go through the floods they will not drown me. He has promised to walk with me even through the valley of the shadow of death.
God is not a fair-weather God. He is a God of all times, and all seasons, and He becomes to you what you desire Him to be. When you’re sick He becomes your healer. When you’re lonely and afraid He becomes your friend. When you’re lost He becomes your shepherd, navigating you back to your path. When you’re under siege and attack He becomes a man of war. Whatever you desire for Him to be, He is.

I believe with all my heart that there is no night too dark for God to illuminate. There is no situation to bleak for Him to fix. It could be a broken relationship, an ailing child, a doctor’s report, a financial dilemma…He can fix it all. Hang in there, and have faith. Each one of us has been given a measure of faith; no matter how little, exercise it. God will fulfill every promise He has made over your life. Your life is scripted, your victory is assured. It may not happen today, maybe not tomorrow, because waiting on God is as hard as it is rewarding. But as sure as the dawn, God will surely come. He will surely come. He will surely come!

Kambua M.

Reflections of a girl on Transit...

So it just happens that I’ve been listening- on repeat if I may add, to the Song Comfort Zone, by Marvin Sapp, and the words that keep echoing in my heart are, “…for to go where I’ve not gone I must do what I’ve not done”. It’s been with a lot of restlessness and maybe a degree of frustration that I finally said to God in prayer, that I’m tired of the mundane; the mediocre; the common. I know for a fact that God created me for more; much, much, more. Over and over I’ve wondered how I got to this point, and I realize that some of it was of my own making, but the bigger part of it is a ‘wake-up call’ from heaven, challenging me to launch out into the deep, and trust that God will honor every step of faith that I take.

Two key things that I have been learning during this very uncomfortable, yet necessary point of transition: First, I need to BELIEVE that every promise that God has spoken over my life will indeed come to pass. And secondly, my belief must be embraced by a very warm blanket of PATIENCE. Isn’t it funny how we hear a word from God, and our human nature expects it to happen ‘instantly’? I realize now that there is a period of time that ought to be allowed between when a promise is given and when the realization of it is manifested. I have absolutely no trouble believing. Matter of fact, I think my child-like faith in many ways is still intact. (Thank God). But that other word? The one that starts with the letter ‘P’? The one that suggests that God will not work on my time but according to His? Oooh that’s a toughie! Especially for a girl like me who embraces anything instant- instant coffee, microwave popcorn, instant noodles, instant…instant! But not so with the ways of God it seems.

God is wise in all His ways. He is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of Man that He should change His mind. If He said it, it will most undoubtedly come to pass. This discomfort and restlessness… is all part of the process. I’m embracing mine and learning everything I can out of it. Truth be told, the sooner you learn, the better.
Take for instance the life of a very fascinating bird, the eagle. After a couple of days of keeping her chicks warm, well-fed and blissfully content, the mother eagle ‘stirs up its nest’, making it unbearable, and uncomfortable for her eaglets to dwell. Using her beak and talons, she takes out the ‘cushions’ (feathers and leaves), and then takes the sticks out of the middle of the nest, placing them straight up with their sharp ends exposed. Not only is it suddenly very chilly in the nest, it is prickly too! And she dismantles the nest with a lot of zeal and determination knowing too well that if she fails to do so, her precious ‘babies’ will never learn how to fly.

In the same way, God will stir up our nests in order to open our eyes to the unfathomable power and potential that is within us. He moves us from the point of having ‘everything worked out’ to a place where we must have ‘crazy faith’ in order for things to happen. Does it mean that He loves us any less? Absolutely not. He is only allowing us to flex our muscles because He knows how much more we can tap into if only the ‘cushions’ are taken away.

It feels like I’ve been ‘pushed out’ of the nest more than once, and I take that to be an indication of something bigger that the Lord wants me to come to the realization of. And until I do, He will continue to push me out and- “ouch”!  It’s a little painful sometimes. As a matter of fact I’ve thrown my own private, pity-parties time and again because I felt that God didn’t care about me anymore. I felt so alone and abandoned. It’s actually very lonely in the deep end. A dear friend the other day reminded me of a kid’s song, “…nobody loves me; everybody hates me, I’m going down the garden to eat worms…” I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who has this song playing as the soundtrack to their not-so-cute pity parties! Ha-ha! But these ‘shake ups’ as I like to call them, are just a reminder that He (God) and only He is the wind beneath my wings. God is a father who so jealously loves me, that He will not sit back and watch me become anything less than what He intended. Not only do I desire more for my life, God also expects more of me. He has called me- each and every one of us to greatness. This is not the time to look for another ‘nest’ or another ‘mother-eagle’ to feed you; it is time to fly baby, fly! I can guarantee you this one thing: that God will destroy any nest that you’ve allowed to stunt your growth; it could be a job, a man, a woman- anything that acts as a support system and inevitably cripples you.

...I am a woman of purpose, a woman of vision- seeing things from a far, detecting where God is working and striving to be there. I am undeterred by disappointment and any form of adversity, knowing assuredly that God’s perfect peace will keep me. I choose to believe that my blessings are simmering in heaven, being prepared for the appointed time of God. And as I wait, I continue to guard my expectation, unwaveringly, counting every blessing,

Kambua M.