Pour It Out

She slipped into the room, and began to walk, with her face to the ground. She couldn’t help but notice that her presence had brought everything to a standstill. She could feel all the eyes piercing through her as she walked- the people needed not say a word. She knew exactly what was on their minds; she knew it all too well. She felt unwanted, judged, boy it would have been so much easier if one of them hurled an object at her, inflicting pain. Physical pain would have been easier to deal with than this kind…the kind that eats you up like cancer, from the inside out. She’d known exactly where He would be seated. She’d heard so much about Him, this one who just might be able to lift the shame away from her. In haste she scurried across the room. She was determined to get to Him before anyone tried to get in her way. She blocked her ears to the whispers…the voices that tried best as they could to hold her back; The voices that reminded her of a past she much preferred to forget. Oh that the memories could be blotted away. Still, she pressed on, her face masked in bravery she didn’t quite have. Maybe, just maybe the tears that were welling up in her eyes could stay put long enough for her to get to Him.

Suddenly she had an overwhelming feeling of regret, a reminder that she could not rewrite her history; she could not undo the mistakes, she could never even if she tried, recover the time she had lost. Perhaps going to Him was not worth it after all. If only He had the slightest hint of where she’d been…what she’d done, He wouldn’t waste His time on her. So she stopped. And for the first time since she walked into that room, looked up and stared the people square in their faces. And just as she had guessed, there was no mercy for her, not here. Except Him…His eyes…there was something different there. She could have sworn there was a glistening of His eyes, what seemed to be…tears? And something more…something she couldn’t quite wrap her mind around...that dispelled the fear and doubt she’d felt just a moment ago.  Something about the look on His face told her that He was well aware of her deepest, darkest issues; and yet He still sat there waiting for her. That’s when she knew, that she could not turn back. She had to keep walking. It didn’t matter what anyone said to her, or what they thought of her- she’d thought worse things of herself anyway. But here was a man who seemed to see past her mess and still want her. He wanted her! He was waiting for her!

In that moment it was as though every other person had faded away, and became a blur; only she and the master remained. With renewed strength that seemed to well up from deep inside her, she made that final step, and fell on her knees, at His feet. The tears that she had bottled up for years came pouring down, and she used them to wash his feet. And with each kiss she planted on Him, came the release she had never imagined she would find. The more she poured out her pain to him, the more her spirit lifted, like a bird that had been caged. With each touch she found healing like soft rain falling on a tin roof. She was so overwhelmed by what was happening that she never even realized when she reached into her purse and pulled out her most precious oil and began to pour it on his feet. She had saved up a tone to buy this perfume, she’d used it sparingly on whoever cared to share a moment with her, but here she was, mindlessly pouring it on His feet, and He didn’t’ even seem to care that there was a mixture of oil and tears running down His  feet. She knew that she had to give Him all she had, because with each passing moment she found healing for her soul.

Many of us have walked a mile in her shoes. I know I have. I’ve been at a place where I was so filled with regret over things I’d done that I never knew whether there would be mercy for me. But some of us have secret battles; we try to act calm while we know that our spirit is at war in and of itself. We harbor deep, dark, secrets. We carry around so much pain, and life has slowly been drained out of us; we may as well be the walking dead. But Mary found courage to let her past be just that- the past. She found strength by looking to the Master. In Him she saw the truth; that He loved her just as she was. His love for her, for you, for me, caused Him to lay down His own life as a ransom. He waits for you to bring Him your broken heart, your messed up life…He can fix it. He wants to make it better. Every answer that you seek is in Him. All else is temporary, and fleeting, like the wind. But His love for you is sure, and it’s constant; It is not determined by how you feel, or even what you’ve done.

He wants to breathe life into you, just like He did to Mary. He wants you to pour out your pain, and all that you have held dear, so that He may heal you. But you must pour it out. A wise man once said that covered wounds don’t heal well. Unless you open it up for the Master, you cannot find healing. Don’t be distracted and dissuaded by nay sayers; press on for your miracle. The critics have nothing new to say, but the Master does: He says He loves you with an everlasting love. He says that He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. He says that He can pick you up from the mud and set your feet on a rock. But you must pour it out…everything that has held you back…pour it out.

Kambua M.