More Than Enough

Six months into the toughest season of my life I can confidently say that God is real, and His grace is more than enough. Most of this year has been like a blur, but somehow I have gone through it. I will admit to having questioned God more than once about his will and way of doing things. I have wondered about his purpose for my life, and why it seems to be unfolding layer after layer, painstakingly slowly. I cannot begin to tell you how many melt downs I have had this year, and how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel. But in the same breath, I cannot count how many doors God has opened for me, nor the numerous opportunities that have come my way in a seemingly effortless manner.The thing is, I struggle with understanding the working of God, and yet I love Him ever so deeply; the two are not mutually exclusive.

Photography by Rachel Johnson (at Brooklyn Bridge)

I know for a fact that God does not tempt His own. But I also know that He allows us to be stretched and pressed beyond our usual measure whenever He’s gearing up to do something new in our lives. In my very limited human mind, I would wish this cup- the year 2014 be lifted away from me. Erased. Almost as though it never existed. However, how can I ever tell you that God heals when I have never been broken? Or that he is the lifter of my head when I have not been down trodden? How can I tell you that He is a joy giver when I have not cried myself to sleep? How can I possibly tell you that that you can breath again when I have not had the wind knocked off of me?

For the countless times I have literally had to convince myself to wake up in the morning, and the many instances I have had to drag myself to work, barely making it through the day without falling apart, I see God. His grace has surely covered me.

Beloved, God sees you. He knows your struggle, and He loves you all he same. Over the last couple of weeks I have been reminded that I am not here by chance. None of us are. God planned and orchestrated our existence for His divine plan, and has strategically placed us here to be a light in the darkness. This season in your life is not a mistake. It is significant, no matter how difficult or meaningless it may seem.

My prayer for you as you start this new month is that God will give you sustaining grace until you become all He has called you to be. May your strength be renewed, day by day. May God give you the wisdom you need, to excel and thrive in all you set out to do. Just as I have prayed for divine favor over my life, I pray the same for you beloved. I also pray that you find the courage to wake up every morning, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving even when things do not make sense. I hope that in spite of everything that comes your way, you will choose to live above and not under the circumstances. 

When your hope meter runs low, I pray beloved that you will be reminded of this truth: that God is enough.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Dear Traveler

Over the last couple of weeks I have traveled a whole lot, through North America and East Africa. I love the diversity and the thrill of visiting new places. It has been intensely busy on my end, but I am grateful that I can wake up everyday, and step out boldly in pursuit of my dreams. So I decided that since I am living life on the fast lane, shuffling between airports, claiming luggage, barely getting over my jet-lag, I would encourage you through my travels. On one chilly morning as I had my coffee fix at Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam, I wrote you a letter:

Dear Traveler,  

I am on transit, in Amsterdam, I can hardly wait to get home. It's been a great couple of days globe-trotting, but you know what they say- there's no place like home. Home...that word is music to my ears. It brings with it a sense of rest and a place to belong. I see people from all walks of life around me, different ethnicities, all on the move, some headed home, others on vacation, others on business trips...their reasons for travelling vary, but they are all travelers nonetheless. 

What was that my mom always said about being travelers...pilgrims here on earth? And earth being our temporary abode? heaven being our home? Yet many times I find that I forget where I'm going. It is quite disastrous for a passenger to be on transit, and not know where they are going. 

Thankfully each one has a boarding pass that gives details on where they should be, and at what time...but still as I journey on I see lots of passengers in distress. Some miss their flights because they get to the airport late, others get distracted by all the Duty Free shops and lose track of time, whilst others walk around in oblivion...dazzled, lost, and not having the courage or perhaps humility to stop and ask for help. 

For the while that God has placed me here, I want to live with intention and purpose, in order to leave a legacy for those that will come after me. But I also want to keep 'home' in mind. Having no fear of death- living with eternity in mind. I must admit that only a few months ago the thought of death terrified me. But after my dad's transition, I have come to the realization that death is inevitable for each one of us, none is exempt. I know my destination, and the Word of God is the boarding pass that contains eveything I need to keep on pressing forward. 

Stay focused. Remain on course. Keep moving...you're on transit. Remember your purpose, losing it is detrimental to your passion. Keep pressing forward, making no apologies for your dreams. If by chance you lose your way, stop and ask. Don't allow pride to hinder you from reconnecting. Happy travelling dear travellers!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Wait Your Turn

I am continually amazed at how much good news there is on Facebook, twitter, and instagram. Not a day goes by without seeing someone’s fabulous selfies, engagement pictures, wedding pictures...or a celebration of a new born baby, a graduation...or that someone bought a new car, a new house, got a new job...or my boyfriend did this, and my girlfriend did that...and just how everyone is living and loving life! Now you must admit that there are days when all that good news is simply depressing. I wonder to myself sometimes, are people really this happy? All the time? And then I realized that even I have mastered the art of social media glamour and glitz; I have learned to masquerade my feelings even when I feel nothing close to what my pictures and updates reflect.

What a superficial world we live in. How many times have you heard of someone you're acquainted with that has slipped into depression, or committed suicide? And then you log onto their Facebook page, and can’t quite tell what went wrong, because they seemed to have had it all together.

Last year I shared with you the story of Hannah. Can you imagine how hard it was for her to put on a facade while deep down she was hurting due to a deep desire being unmet?

How about Sarah, Abraham’s wife? She was beautiful, but she was also barren. Can you imagine the shame of being married to a man of God as powerful as Abraham and being unable to conceive?

Think about Elijah, who despite being a great prophet and man of faith, battled depression. God had used him in such a powerful way, and yet Elijah wished he would die.

How about the classic story of Job? Losing everything and just about everyone he loved, and on top of that being plagued by serious illness?

What about the Shepherd boy by the name of David- God sent the Prophet Samuel to anoint him as King. But it took sixteen years before the manifestation of that promise. Sixteen years! Can you imagine that?

In a world where everyone seems to be doing just fine, hear me say this: you are not alone. Everyone has their secret pain, a proverbial thorn in the flesh. The pot may look whole on the outside, but only when you fill it with water do you see the cracks it bears. The world is a capricious place, and things often happen that throw us off balance- no one is exempt. You may be reading this whilst having a silent storm, feeling frustrated and very alone because everyone seems to be walking on air, living abundant and meaningful lives. Beloved you must believe and understand that God will fulfill His purpose for your life, and He never fails.

I know how it feels to have a gnawing restlessness and vague dissatisfaction. But I also know how it feels when I surrender all that uncertainty to God. He makes it all worthwhile. You see, God never promised that you’d always walk on water. He never promised that your journey would be easy. But he did promise that when (not if) you go through the fire it will not burn you; and when you go through the waters they will not drown you. God also promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Which means that when you feel alone and it seems that no one can relate to your secret pain, you are not alone; God is right there with you.

Wait your turn beloved. After the storm the sun shines. After your pain grace abides. God I pray that when our patience is tested we will rest in you as a trustworthy authority that never fails. I pray that as we wait we will learn even more that your heart beats for, and not against us.

Beloved, I pray that this season will not wreck your view of God, but instead give you a deeper insight of who He truly is. May He grant you the strength to wait your turn.

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

Stay Connected

If your mother is anything like mine, then my story will resonate well with you. But even if she’s not, stay with me, I promise I’m going somewhere with this: My mother is an amazing woman of faith and the older I get the more I glean from her strength and wisdom. Growing up, I would hear my mother pray early in the morning before sunrise. Every day without fail, she woke up to talk to God. I heard her pray because her prayers were not whispered, they were loud! ;-) When my mom prayed she mentioned just about everyone I know by name, asking for God to bless them…and then of course when it boiled down to us, her children, she'd pray for blessings but also about whatever issues we were dealing with. We only had to be awake to know what was going on in one another's lives! Mama talked to God about it, never mind that other people might hear. Bless her heart! I realized that the ‘mango’ doesn’t fall too far from the tree when I went to live with my grandmother for a few weeks, and the routine was the same- actually hers was worse...I learned about the history of Makueni through her prayers! Ehh…!! 

The other day I had to have a medical procedure that required me to be on bed-rest, and I ended up staying at my mom’s. I realized that very few things have changed about her, and this one thing has remained constant: my mom still wakes up early in the morning to talk to God…about my issues and many other wonderful things! Lol

Photography by Emmanuel Jambo

It was then than I started thinking to myself that my mother must have discovered the secret to making it through life. It dawned on me that the reason why she’s rock-solid, the reason why she’s as strong as a palm tree is because of her relationship with God. Palm trees have roots that not only spread out a great distance, but also go down deep. A palm tree can bend in a storm, but it will not break. I have watched my mom weather some very big storms, seen her deeply hurt, observed as she’s gone through the vicissitudes of life, but still she rises. 

And then I started to think about myself and saw the patterns clearly…the seasons that I have chosen to walk alone have been the toughest by far. Sometimes I have found myself walking away from God because I felt hurt, sometimes out of stubbornness, and other times out of flat out pride. In those moments I speak a litany of lies to myself as the world crumbles around me, and then end up hurt, broken, and having nowhere to turn, but to God.

On the flip-side there are other seasons where I have trusted God no matter the outcome. These have been pretty tough, but there seems to have been a softer landing when I've allowed God to go through them with me. 

Beloved, we always know the right road to follow, and yet we follow only the road that we have become accustomed to, the path of least resistance. We seem to live above the struggle, beneath the radar… somewhat gliding through life, but this path is also one that leads to desolation and deep despair, because you see I have found nothing worse than being outside the grace of God. It’s the grace of God that carries us when life overwhelms us. It’s His grace that keeps and sustains us. It’s only the grace of God that takes our shortcomings and mistakes and turns them into gain, instead of shame. It’s the grace of God that makes all the difference.

I have often heard it said that the will of God will never take you where His grace cannot protect you. Ain’t that the truth! When you walk under the shadow of God, he protects you and makes provision for all that you need. Away from it you become vulnerable, and prey for the enemy. 

I am making a choice to dig deeper…to discover the secret of staying connected to God, just like my mother did. I hope you do too!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

It Will Set You Free!

The other day I was having a very raw and honest conversation with one of my sisters. I was telling her how I have come to realize that I hold a very high expectation of people in my life, almost as though people 'owe' me. I imagine that since I have been there for them, then they should be there for me. Or since I have invested in a friendship, then it ought to last for ever. But the harsh reality that has finally dawned on me is that I am entitled to nothing.

If you're anything like me then you have found yourself one too many times struggling to hold onto friendships that have run their course, and all that's left is a lot of awkward moments and scanty conversations. And the more you try to make the relationship work, the more vulnerable you become...the more hurt you get. It is very taxing to be at a place that you do not belong.

Some of you reading this are in relationships that you well know are not right for you. Holding onto a man or woman who does not see your value, and in order to validate your self worth, you sell yourself short by pleading and begging them to stay with you, while make all sorts of excuses as to why you’re still holding on...

But this is not just about relationships you see, it could be a job that you're struggling to maintain knowing that your time to move is long overdue. The signs are written on the wall, clear for all to see- so what are you afraid of?

Do you remember the story of Naomi and Ruth? Do you also remember the third woman we do not talk too much about? Orpah? She was Naomi's daughter-in-love, (just like Ruth was). She loved and served Naomi faithfully (just like Ruth did). But when time came for Naomi to go back to Bethlehem from Moab, things changed. Orpah chose to stay behind in Moab while Ruth decided to go wherever Naomi would go. I believe that Orpah was a good woman, and her intentions were good, but she did not have the heart, the courage, nor the love to follow Naomi into the 'unknown'. Her season in Naomi's life was over.

Photography by Mwaniki Will

How many of us recognize when a season is over and yet want to extend it because we are in denial? Beloved, can't you see? Your destiny often requires a working and reworking that will more often than not be uncomfortable and far from easy. But painful as it may be, you must accept the gift of goodbye. And when all is said and done you will find yourself lighter, happier, and free, almost like a load has been taken off of you.

As we walk into a new month, find the courage to walk away from things that have run their course in your life. Scary as it may be, it will be well worth your while. I can promise you that.  Say goodbye to the seasons that have ended and a big hello to new friendships, a new career, new and endless possibilities. There is a blessing in your goodbye!

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M.

What can I say...

Well, what CAN I Say? It has been quite the month, a true roller-coaster of sorts on my end. Some days have been harder than others. There are days when I have struggled to wake up in the morning, and other days I have found the courage and strength to laugh, sing, and do the things that I truly love. 

My heart is broken, I miss my dad. I think of him every  day… I long to hear his laughter or hold his hand, just one more time, but God. My faith is in Him. My trust is in Him. My hope and expectation is in Him. I will not waiver nor falter. 

I make no apology for my journey; this is me sharing my truth, because we cannot testify of healing when we never admitted our brokenness in the first place. 

To anyone reading this, that happens to be going through a hard time- whether the loss of a loved one, or the devastating diagnosis of a terminal illness, or perhaps the loss of a job…whatever your  ‘storm’ may be- take heart. God is the God of ALL comfort. He will carry you. He will heal you, and He will restore you. I am always reminded of this, that God becomes to you all that you desire for Him to be. You may feel like you are taking one step forward, and then two steps backward, but God is still working. Trust Him. He will carry you through. 

This might be the shortest blog post I have written yet, but you know what they say about good things and small packages ;-) 

Beloved, keep the faith…have a blessed new month ahead. 

From my heart to yours,

Kambua M

My heart, my world...

On the 9^th of April 2014 heaven gained a most amazing angel- my daddy. There is so much I want to say but the pain in my heart is like none other I have experienced before. But this blog post is not about the pain, the tears, or even the void that my dad left, but more so the life lessons I learned from a most peculiar man.

The months leading up to his home going were difficult in many ways, but it is during that time that I gained invaluable strength that I would otherwise have never attained. 

I thank God that He accorded dad the opportunity to bid us a proper farewell, and gave us in turn a chance to let him know how much we loved and valued him. Some days were harder than others, and my strength waned more often that I would like to admit. But each day God poured his grace afresh. I have come to know that grace is not the absence of the struggle, but rather the presence of God’s protection in the struggle. God protected us, and he protected my precious father until the day He called him home. 

Together with my family and friends we prayed and trusted God to heal my dad, and we held on to the hope that since God had graciously healed him in the past, He could do it again. One day as I was walking through the corridors of the hospital that had quickly become a second home, I bumped into a lady who had brought her ailing mom for treatment; she was terminally ill. The lady recognized me and we began to talk. She told me that she was trusting in God to heal her mother, knowing fully well that God can heal physically or permanently by taking her mother home. Up until then I had wrestled with the possibility of God taking dad home. But that day my prayer changed.  I made my peace with God. I continued to trust for physical healing without relenting, but I found comfort in knowing that if dad went home to be with God, that was healing too. Today I can boldly proclaim that my daddy is healed…forever healed!

I honor my mother- a true woman of God. She never wavered in her faith. She held on to the Word of God and encouraged us to do the same up until the end. We prayed over daddy, spoke the Word of God over him, and sang songs for him…what a privilege. 

I am also so grateful for invaluable friends, who have continued to walk this painfully unfamiliar path with us. The journey has been a lot more easier that it would otherwise have been had we walked alone. Life is for the living; invest in people…in friendships…in relationships. Our precious friends have been the hands of God, holding us close, crying with us, wiping our tears, laughing with us, telling us not to give up- to continue trusting in the Miracle-working Jehovah, and finally sharing in the sadness that we felt at saying 'kwaheri' to daddy.

A few days after dad left I was talking to a lady I dearly love- I told her how each morning I wake up with fresh pain and a whole new fountain of tears. Then she reminded me that God’s mercies are also new every morning. What profound truth. For every broken place there is new mercy…new grace, and a whole new dose of God’s healing balm that flows into the bleeding places of my life.

I write this blog to honor daddy who has officially joined the cloud of witnesses. Watching over us from the other side of heaven…cheering us on!  I celebrate my dad for being a selfless man who fought for us, defended our honor, and left behind a great legacy. I will carry him  in my heart always…I will someday tell my children about him…of what a great man he was, and how bravely and courageously he lived his life even when the odds were against him. I am inspired by how he lived, what he stood for, and how bravely he finished his race.  I miss him more than I can fully articulate, but God knows...He knows.

Thank you God that you accorded me the privilege of being daddy’s girl. Thank you that for all those who have never experienced the love of an earthly Father, they have you…I have you.  Thank you that I can sleep, and awake because you sustain me by your infinite might. God you are so great, greater than the pain in my heart, greater than I can ever conceive you to be. Thank you that even as I come to you broken, your love for me remains the same, never distorted.  In you God I find comfort. In you I find healing. In you I find hope. Though the tears fall, I have you. My heart…my world. 

Koma nesa daddy...lala salama...you are home now...kwa Yesu ndiko nyumbani. Until we meet again, dance with the angels, teach them all your fun, cheesy songs...your laughter will always ring in my ears. I will carry you in my heart always...

Your girl,

Kambua M.

My dad is top on my Roll of Honor. He joins my aunt Kanene whom we said goodbye to last year, my cousin Beauty, my friend David Yallo, my brother in the faith Kaberere, our sister Angela Chibalonza, and many others who have gone before. 

Who is on your roll of honor? 

Go on and share them here…let’s celebrate them as they continue to cheer us on, 

and bear witness to the lives we continue to live.